Hi.This guy says, "Hello," I want to kill myself.You okay, sweetie?I just feel like someone reached down my throatgrabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouthand tied it around my neck.Cookie?Carol moved her stuff out today.(all) Ohh.- Let me get you some coffee.\n- Thanks.Oh, ugh.Uh-oh, no. No, don't. Stop cleansing my aura.Don't. Just leave my aura alone, okay?I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyoneI hope she'll be very happy.- No, you don't\n- No, I don't.To hell with her, she left me!And you never knew she was a lesbian.No, okay?Why does everyone keep fixating on that?She didn't know, how should I know?Sometimes, I wish I was a lesbian.Did I say that out loud?Alright, Ross, look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now.You're angry. You're hurting.Can I tell you what the answer is?Strip joints!Come on, you're single. Have some hormones..But I don't want to be single, okay?I just, I just, I just want to be married again.And I just won a million dollars.Rachel?[gasps] Oh, God, Monica, hi. Thank god.I just went to your building and you weren't there.And then this guy with a big hammer said you might be hereand you are. You are.Can I get you some coffee?Decaf.Okay, everybody this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.This-this is everybody.This is Chandler, and Phoebeand Joey.And you remember my brother, Ross?- Sure! Hi.\n- Hey.So you want to tell us now, or are we waitingfor four wet bridesmaids?Oh, God! Well.....it started about a half-hour before the wedding.I was in this room where we were keeping all the presentsAnd I was looking at this gravy boat.This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.When all of sudden.. Sweet N' Low?I realizedI realized I was more turned onby this gravy boat than by Barry.And then I got really freaked out.And that's when it hit mehow much Barry looks Mr. Potato Head.You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but..Anyway, I just had to get out of thereand I started wondering "Why am I doing this?"and "Who am I doing this for?"So, anyway, I just didn't know where to goand I know that you and I have kind of drifted apartbut you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.Who wasn't invited to the wedding.Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue.<i>["Star spangled banner"</i> <i>instrumental]</i>Well, that's it.- You gonna crash on the couch?\n- No.No, I gotta go home, sometime.Alright. You gonna be okay?- Yeah.\n- Goodnight.Hey, Mon, look what I just found on the floor.[chuckles]What?That's Paul's watch.Now, you just, put it back where you found it.Oh, boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.- Goodnight.\n- Goodnight.[thud][chuckling]- Hmm.\n- 'Hmm.'- Hmm. Oh, no.\n- Oh, sorry.- Oh, no, no. Go. Go-go.\n- No, have it, really.- I don't want.\n- Split it?- Okay.\n- Okay.[chuckles]Thanks.You probably didn't know this but back in high schoolI had a.....major crush on you.I knew.You did? Oh.[scoffs]I always figured you just thoughtI was Monica's geeky older brother.- I did.\n- Oh.Listen, do you think1and try not to let my intense vulnerability1become any kind of a factor here1but you think it would be okay1if I asked you out sometime maybe?1Yeah.1Maybe.1Okay.1Okay, maybe I will.1[laughing]1- Alright. Goodnight.\n- Goodnight.1[door opens and closes]1See ya.1Mm-hmm.1Wait, wait.1Hey, what's with you?1I just grabbed a spoon.1[instrumental music]1Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them1any more ammunition than they already have.1Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about1the flatness of a child's pillow.1Monica, hi! Um..1Monica, you're scaring me.1I mean, you're like, you're all chaotic and twirly, you know.1And not-not in a good way.1Yeah, calm down.1You don't see Ross getting all chaotic1and twirly every time they come.1That's because as far as my parents are concerned1Ross can do no wrong.1You see, he's the prince.1Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.1- Ew, ew, ew!\n- What?1Ugly naked guy got a Thighmaster.1(in unison) Ew!1Has anybody seen my engagement ring?1Yeah, it's beautiful.1Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.1No-no, don't touch that.1Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough1having to give it back to him..1Hi, Barry! Remember me?1I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart1in front of your entire family!1Oh, God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring1without the ring, which makes it so much harder.1Easy, Rach, we'll find it.1- Won't we?\n- Oh, yeah.1Alright, when did you have it on last?1Doy! Probably right before she lost it.1You don't get a lot of doy these days.1I know, I had it this morning1and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with..1Dinah?1Oh, don't be mad.1- You didn't.\n- Oh, I'm sorry.1I gave you one job!1Oh, but look how straight those noodles are.1Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look1for an engagement ring in a lasagna.1I just can't do it.1Boys? We're going in.1[knock on door]1Hi.1Wow. That is not a happy hi.1Carol's pregnant.1Ooh! I found it!1W-w-what?1Yeah.1Do that for another two hours1you might be where I am right about now.1Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?1Well now, how how do you fit into this whole thing?1Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved1but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.1Basically it's totally up to me.1She is so great! I miss her.1Well, what does she mean by involved?1I mean, presumably the biggest part of your job is done.1Anyway, they want me to go down to this1sonogram thing with them tomorrow.1- Wow.\n- So what are you gonna do?1I have no idea.1No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.1[cutlery clanking]1Well, this is still ruined, right?1No, no, no.1They say it's the same as the distance1from the tip of a guy's thumb1the the tip of his index finger.1That's ridiculous.1Can I use either thumb?1Alright. Don't tell me. Don't tell me.1Decaf cappuccino for Joey.1Coffee, black.1Latte.1And an iced tea.1I'm getting pretty good at this.1- Excellent.\n- Good job.1Good for me.2[mumbling]2- You okay, Phoebe?\n- Yeah. No, I'm just, it's, uh..2It's not even worth. It's my bank.2And what did they do to you?2It's not, it's just.. Okay.2I'm goin' through my mail, and I open2up their monthly, you know, statement--2- Easy, easy.\n- And, yeah..2And there's $500 extra in my account.2Oh! Satan's minions at work again.2Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there and deal with them.2What are you talkin' about? Keep it.2It's not mine. I didn't earned it.2If I kept it, it would be like stealing.2Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping.2Okay. Okay.2Let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes.2Do you know what I'd hear with every step I took?2Not mine. Not mine. Not mine.2And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping.2I'd hear, not-not mine. Not-not mine.2We're with you. We got it2Okay. I just, I'd never be able to enjoy it.2It would be like this giant karmic debt.2(Monica) 'Chandler, what are you doin'?'2Hey, what are you doing?2- Oh, whoa!\n- Oh, gross.2- What are you doing?\n- What is this?2I'm smoking. I'm smoking I'm smoking.2Oh, I can't believe you.2You've been so good for three years.2And this...is my reward.2Hold on a second, alright.2Just think about what you went2through the last time you quit.2Okay, so this time I won't quit.2- No! Put it down.\n- Alright! I'm putting it out.2I'm putting it out.2Oh, no! I, uh.. I can't drink this now.2Alright, I'm gonna go change. I've got a date.2Is this Alan again? How's it goin'?2It's going pretty good, you know.2It's nice and we're having fun.2So, when do we get to meet the guy?2- 'Yeah?'\n- Let's see, today's Monday.2- Never.\n- Come on!2No, no, not after what happened with Steve.2What are you talking about? We love Steve.2<i>Steve was sexy!</i>2- Sorry.\n- Yeah.2Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet.2Just give me a chance to figure that out.2Well, then can we meet him?2No. Sorry.2- And lamb chop..\n- 'Ooh, lamb chop.'2How old is that sock?2If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years2it'd be talking too.2Okay, I think it's time to change2somebody's nicotine patch.2Hey! Where's Joey?2Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him.2Do you think that was wrong?2I think he's across the hall.2Thanks.2There you go.2Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.2Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?2Pheebs?2Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?2Hey, I might.2Sorry.2You know, those stupid soda people gave me2seven thousand dollars for the thumb.2- Oh, my God!\n- Seven thousand dollars?2And on my way over here, I stepped in gum.2What is up with the universe?2- What's goin' on?\n- Nothing.2I just think it's nice when2we're all here together.2Even nicer when everyone gets2to wear their underwear.2- Uh, Joey.\n- Oh, God!2Okay.2- Oh, come on.\n- That was lamb chop!2Please, guys, we have to talk.2Wait, wait, I'm getting a Deja Vu.2No, I'm not.2Alright, we have to talk.2There it is!2Okay. It's, it's about Alan.2There's something that you should know.2[sighs] Oh, man, there's really no easy way to say this, uh.2I've decided to break up with Alan.2[all sighs]2Is there somebody else?2No, no, no. It's just..2You know, things change.2People change.2We didn't change.3So that's it? It's over?3Just like that?3You know, you let your guard down.3You know, you start to really care about someone.3And I just.. I..3Look, I, I could go on pretending--3- Okay.\n- 'No!'3But that wouldn't be fair to me. It wouldn't be fair to Alan.3- It wouldn't be fair to you.\n- Yeah, well, who wants fair?3I mean, I just want things back. You know, the way they were.3- I'm sorry.\n- Oh, she's sorry!3I feel better.3I just can't believe this.3I mean, with the holidays coming up..3...I wanted him to meet my family.3I'll meet someone else.3There'll be other Alans.3- No!\n- Oh, yeah, right.3- Are you guys gonna be okay?\n- Hey, hey, we'll be fine.3We're just gonna need a little time.3I understand.3[sighs] Wow!3I'm, I'm really sorry.3Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry too.3But, I gotta tell you, I'm a little relieved.3Relieved?3Yeah, well, I mean3I had a great time with you.3I just can't stand your friends.3[instrumental music]3(Joey) ...95, 96, 97.3See, I told you.3Less than a hundred steps3from our place to here.3You got way too much free time.3Hey, there's the birthday boy.3Ross, check it out.3Hockey tickets, Rangers Penguins3tonight at the Garden and we're taking you.3Happy birthday, pal.3We love you, man.3[chuckles]3That's funny. My birthday was seven months ago.3So?3So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket3and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date, huh?3Well, aren't we Mr. The-glass-is-half-empty?3Oh, my God. Oh.3Is today the 20th, October 20th?3I was hoping you wouldn't remember.3[groans]3What's wrong with the 20th?3Eleven days before Halloween..3...all the good costumes are gone?3Today's the day Carol and I first..3...consummated our..3...physical relationship.3With sex.3You know what? I'd better pass on the game.3I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife3and her lesbian lover.3To hell with hockey. Let's all do that.3Come on, Ross. You, me, Joey3ice, guys night out.3Come on. What do you say, big guy?3Huh? Huh? Huh?3- What are you doin'?\n- I have no idea.3Come on, Ross.3Alright. Alright. Maybe it will take my mind off it.3You promise to buy me a big foam finger?3- You got it.\n- Alright.3Look. Look. Look. My first paycheck.3[cheering]3Look at the window.3There's my name! Hi, me!3I remember the day I got my first paycheck.3There was a cave-in in one of the mines.3And eight people were killed.3Wow. You worked in a mine?3I worked at a Dairy Queen. Why?3God! Isn't this exciting? I earned this.3I wiped tables for it. I steamed milk for it.3And it was totally..3...not worth it.3Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?3I mean, what?3Chandler, look at that.3Oh. This is not that bad.3Oh. You're fine, yeah, for a first job.3You can totally, totally live on this.3(Monica) 'Oh, yeah. Yeah.'3Hey, by the way, great service today.3- Oh!\n- Yeah!3Terrific.3[instrumental music]3Excuse me.3It says to call this number3if you're not completely satisfied3with this candy bar.3Well, I'm not completely satisfied.4Listen, it's kind of an emergency.4Well, I guess you'd know that4or we'd be in the predicament room.4[Chandler chuckles]4Hold on.4Fill these out. Sit over there.4Look, look, look, I don't want to make any trouble, okay?4But I'm in a lot of pain here, alright?4My face is dented.4Well, you'll have to wait your turn.4Well, how long do you think it'll be?4Any minute now.4[scoffs]4Hey, miss..4Hey..4(Ross) I remember the moonlight4coming in through the open window4and her face had the most incredible glow.4Yes, the moon, the glow4the magical feeling, you did this part.4Could I get some painkillers over here, please?4He's right. Enough already.4What is the big deal about today?4So you slept with her for the first time. So what?4You slept with her for seven years after that.4Look, it's just a little more complicated.4Well, what? What? What is it?4That she left you, that she likes women4that she left you for another woman that likes women?4A little louder, okay?4I think, there's a man4on the 12th floor in a coma4who didn't quite hear you.4Then what?4My first time with Carol was..4[whispering] It was my first time.4What?4It was my first...time.4With Carol?4Oh.4So in your whole life4you've only been with one...oh.4Whoa, boy, hockey was a big mistake.4There's a whole bunch of stuff we could have done tonight.4Man, can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?4I think it's great.4You know, it's sweet, it's romantic..4- Really?\n- Nah. You kiddin'?4The guy's a freak. I judge him.4- Hey!\n- 'Hey, buddy!'4Huh? Huh?4Oh...that's attractive.4Oh, I thought you were great in "Silence of the Lambs."4Oh, come on, admit it!4All things considered, you had fun tonight.4Fun? Where was the fun?4Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part?4Where's my puck?4Oh, ah, the kid has it.4The kid..4[clears throat] Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.4I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.4You gotta do it, man.4Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever..4Can't do it.4Listen, uh, gimme back my puck.4No.4- Yes, how about--\n- No.4- Come here. Gimme!\n- No. No.4(Sizemore) 'Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!'4Give me my puck!4Oh!4Now that was fun.4[instrumental music]4So, Saturday night, the big night.4Date night, Saturday night.4Sa-tur-day night.4- No plans, huh?\n- Not a one.4Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?4Oh, right, right. Shut up.4Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone.4- 'You just gotta do it'\n- No, I know.4But it's just so hard, y'know?4I mean, you're sitting there with her.4She has no idea what's happening.4And then you finally get up the courage to do it4and there's that horrible awkward moment4when you've handed her the note and..4Uh, why do you have to break up with her?4Be a man. Just stop callin'.4You know, if-if you want, I'll do it with you.4Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like4we're ganging up on her.4No, I mean, you break up with Janice.4- And I'll break up with Tony.\n- 'Tony?'4- You're breaking up with Tony?\n- Yeah.4I know he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore.4You know, I don't know if it's me or his hunger strike4or I don't know.4Does anybody want anything else?5Oh, yeah, last week, you had a wonderful nutty5chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing that..5Nothing. Just-just.. I'm fine.5What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?5Oh, it's my father.5He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.5That guy, he burns me up.5Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home.5- Oh!\n- Ugh, it was horrible.5He called me young lady.5Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.5Did he give you that whole5"You're not up to this " again?5Oh, yeah, yeah, actually I got5the extended disco version with three choruses5of "You'll never make it on your own."5♪ Uh-huh uh-huh 5Hi, Joey.5- Oh, my God. Angela.\n- Wow.5Being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.5- Are you gonna go over?\n- No.5Yeah. No.5Okay, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager.5One Mississippi, two Mississippi5three Mississippi, that seems pretty cool.5Yeah.5Coming through. Move. Move!5Oh, excuse-excuse me.5I was kind of using that machine.5Yeah, well, now you're kind of not.5But I-I saved it. I put my basket on top.5Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your basket?5- Yes. Yeah.\n- It's really pretty.5Unfortunately, I don't see suds.5What?5No suds, no save, okay?5- What's going on?\n- Hi, um, nothing.5This horrible woman just took my machine.5Was your basket on top?5- Yeah, but there were no suds.\n- So?5Well, you know, no suds, no save.5No suds, no.. Excuse me.5Hold on a second.5This is my friend's machine.5Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.5Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.5Alright. Show's over.5Nothing to see here.5Okay. Let's do laundry.5- That was amazing.\n- Well..5I can't even send back soup.5Well, that's-that's because...5you're such a sweet, gentle, uh..5Um, uh, do you, uh..5Do you-oh! hey, you must need detergent.5Oh!5- What's that?\n- "Überweiss."5It's, uh, it's new. It's German.5It's extra tough.5Rach, do you, uh.. Are you gonna separate those?5Oh, God. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spazz?5I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts... 5and another machine for pants?5Have you, have you never done this before?5Well, not myself but I w other people that have.5Okay. You caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.5Uh, well, don't worry. I'll use the gentle cycle.5Okay, um..5Uh, basically, you wanna use one machine for all your whites.5- Whites.\n- Okay?5A whole other machine for-for your colors.5And-and a third for, uh, your, uh ... ha!5uh... delicates.5and that would be your bras and your... underpant-y things.5Okay, well, what about.. These are white cotton panties.5Would they go with whites or with delicates?5Uh, that-that.. That would be a judgment call.5Ta-da!5Are we greeting each otr this way now5because I like that.5Look. I cleaned!5I did the windows. I did the floors!5I even used all those attachments on the vacuum5except for that little round one with the bristles5I don't know what that's for.5Ah, yeah. Nobody knows.5And we're not supposed to ask.5Well, what do you think?5- Very clean.\n- It's great!5- Really, it looks great.\n- Very clean.5Oh, I see you moved the green ottoman.5(together) Uh-oh.5H-how did that happen?5I don't know. I-I thougt it looked better there.5And I.. Also it's an extra seat around the coffee table. 5Yeah, it's-it's interesting.5But you know what? Just for fun.5Let's see what it looked like in the old spot.5Just to compare. Let's see...5Ha. Well, it looks good there too.6Let's just leave it there for a while.6Can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.6Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. 6I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.6Guys, I am not that bad.6Yeah, you are, Monica.6Remember when I lived with you?6You were like a little, you know..6[mimicking Psycho theme]6That is so unfair.6Oh, come on. When we were kids6yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll6that wasn't raggedy.6Okay, so I'm responsible. I'm organized.6But, hey, I can be a kook.6Oh.6Alright, you madcap gal.6Try to imagine this.6The phone bill arrives6but you don't pay it right away.6Why not?6Because you're a 'kook'.6Instead, you wait until they send you a notice.6I could do that.6Okay, okay, then you let me go grocery shopping6and I buy laundry detergent6but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.6Why would someone do that?6One might wonder.6Someone's left a glass on the coffee table6There's no coaster. It'a cold drink, it's a hot day.6Little beads of condensation are inching6their way closer and clr to the surface of the world.6Stop it!6Oh, my God.6It's true. Who am I?6Monica, you're mom.6[gasps]6[mimicking Psycho theme]6Uh-huh. Uh-huh.6'Oh, my God!'6Okay!6Okay, I'll be there.6That was my agent.6My agent has just gotten me a job6in the new Al Pacino movie!6- What?\n- You're kidding!6- What's the part?\n- Can you believe this?6Al Pacino!6This guy's the reason I became an actor.6[imitating Al Pacino] "I'm out of order? Pha."6"You're out of order!"6"This whole courtroom's out of order!"6Seriously, what-what's the part?6"Just when I thought I was out"6"they pull me back in."6Come on, seriously, Joey, what's the part?6Uh..6[mumbling]6You're..6[mumbling] ...what?6I'm his butt double, ok?6I play Al Pacino's butt.6Alright? He goes into the showe.6and then I'm his butt.6- Oh, my God.\n- Come on, you guys.6This is a real movie6and Al Pacino's in it and that's big.6Oh, no, it's terrific, it's, it's..6You know, you deserve it, after all your years6of struggling you've finally been able6to crack your way into show business.6Okay, fine, make jokes. I don't care.6This is a big break for me.6No, you're right, you're right, it is.6So, you gonna invite us all to the big opening?6[laughing]6[instrumental music]6Look at it this way. You dumped her!6Right? I mean, this-this woman was unbelievably sexy6and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable...6Tell me why you did this again.6- 'Hey!'\n- 'Hey!'6Movie star!6Hey. Wait, a minute.6Aren't you the guy who plays the butt6in the new Al Pacino movie?6Nope.6No? What happened, big guy?6'Big guy'?6It felt like a 'big guy' moment.6- I got fired!\n- Oh!6Yeah, they said I acted too much with it.6I told everybody about this.6Now everyone's gonna go to the theatre expecting to see me and-6Joey, you know what? No one is gonna be able to tell.6My mom will.6Something so sweet and..6...disturbing about that.6You know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years..7and I finally get my shot...and I blow it!7Wait a minute. Maybe this wasn't your shot.7Yeah. I-I think when it's your shot7you know, you-you know it's your shot.7Did...did it feel like your shot?7Hard to tell. I was naked.7You know, I don't think this was your shot.7I mean, I don't even think you just get 'one' shot.7I really believe big things are gonna happen for you.7I do!7And you've gotta just keep thinking about7the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go...7"I got the part! I got the part!"7"I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!"7You think? That's so nice.7- Aw, come on.\n- Come here.7I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.7- Good night.\n- Good night, Monica.7Uh, Mon, you, you're goa leave your shoes out here?7Uh-huh.7Really? Just-just casually strewn about7in that reckless, haphazard manner?7Doesn't matter. I'll get them tomorrow. Or- not!7Whenever.7She is a kook.7[instrumental music]7(Rachel) 'Okay, come on, somebody, somebody.'7(Monica) 'Alright, I'll go, I'll go.7Okay, um, senior year of college on a pool table.7- Ooh-hoo-hoo!\n- Pool table!7That's my sister.7Okay, okay.7My weirdest place would have to be..7...the women's room on the second floor7of the New York City public library.7Oh, my God.7What were you doing in a library?7Hey, Pheebs, what about you?7Oh, um, Milwaukee.7Uh, Ross?7[clears throat] Disneyland, 1989..7"It's a small world after all."7No way.7Yeah, the, uh, the ride broke down7so Carol and I went behd a couple of those7mechanical Dutch children.7Then they fixed the ride7and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.7Ooh, Rachel?7Oh, come on, I already went.7- 'No.'\n- You did not go!7- Yes, I did.\n- 'Come on tell us!'7- Come on.\n- Come on.7Alright, uh..7...the weirdest place would have to be..7...the foot of the bed.7- Step back.\n- We have a winner!7I've just never... had a relationship7with that kind of passion y'know? 7Where-where you have to have somebody7right there, in the middle of a themepark.7Well, it was the only thing to do there7that didn't have a line.7Alright, well, see, I mean... Barry wouldn't even kiss me7on a miniature-golf course.7- Come on.\n- No.7He said we were "holding up the people behind us."7And you didn't marry him, because?7I mean, do you think..7...there are people that go through life7never having that kind of ...?7- Probably.\n- Really?7Well, you know, I'll tell you something.7Passion is way overrated.7- Yeah, right.\n- It is.7Uh, eventually, it kind of burns out.7But hopefully, what you're left with is trust..7and security and, uh..7...well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism.7So, you know, for all those people who miss out7on that, uh, passion thing.7...there's all that other good stuff.7[sighs] Okay.7But, um, but I don't thk that's gonna be you.7- You don't?\n- Mm.7See, I see, uh..7...big passion in your future.7- Really?\n- Hmm.7- You do?\n- I do.7Oh, Ross, you're so great.7It's never gonna happen.7- What?\n- You and Rachel.7[chuckles]7[mumbling]7Why not?7Because you waited too long to make your move.7and now you're in the "friend zone".7No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.7No, Ross. You're mayor of the zone!7Look, I'm taking my time, alright?8I'm-I'm-I'm laying the groundwork.8Yeah, I mean, every day I get8just a little bit closer to, uh--8Priesthood!8Ross, I'm telling you, she no idea, what you're thinking8And if you don't ask her out soon..8...you're gonna end up stuck in the zone forever8See, I'm waiting for the, uh, the right moment.8[sighs]8What?8- What, now?\n- Yeah.8What's messing you up? The wine?8The candles? The moonlight? Huh?8You just gotta go up tor and you gotta say8- "Look, Rachel, I think- "\n- Shh-shh.8- Shh-shh.\n- What are we shushing?8We're shushing...because trying to-to hear something.8- What? What?\n- Uh, don't you hear that?8Ah.8- See?\n- Huh.8♪ New York City has no power 8♪ And the milk is getting sour ♪8♪ But to me it is not scary 8♪ 'Cause I stay away from dairy ♪8♪ La la la la 8- Okay. Here goes.\n- You're gonna do it?8- I'm gonna do it.\n- You want me to help?8You come out there, you're a dead man.8Ross, Ross.8Good luck, man.8Thanks.8- Okay.\n- Okay.8- Hey, where are you going?\n- Outside.8No-no, you-you can't go out there.8- Why not?\n- Because of, uh, the reason.8- And that would be?\n- I, uh, I can't tell you8Joey, what's going on?8Okay, listen, you gotta promise8you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.8About what?8He's planning your birthday party.8- Oh, my God. I love him.\n- You better act surprised.8- About what?\n- My surprise party.8- What surprise party?\n- Oh, stop it.8Joey already told me.8Well, he didn't tell me.8Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross' thing.8This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.8No, you are not. We tell you stuff.8Uh-huh, I was the last one to know8When Chandler got bit by the peacock at the zoo.8I was the last to know, when you had a crush8on Joey when he was moving in...8What?8Oh. Well, it looks like I was second to last.8Hmm. It's so nice.8Hmm.8Hey, I have a question.8Well, uh, actually, it's not so much a question..8...it's more of a-a general wondering...8...ment.8- Okay.\n- Okay.8Uh, here goes.8Um, well, for a while now, I've been wanting...to.8- Oh.\n- Yes, yes, that's..8- Look at that little cat...\n- That's right.8What?8[screaming]8♪ I'm on the top of the world looking ♪8♪ down on creation 8♪ And the only explanation I can find ♪8♪ Is the love that I found 8♪ Ever since you've been around.. ♪8Alright, this is just Bactine. It won't hurt.8Ow! Ow!8Sorry, that was wax.8Oh...poor little Tootie is scared to death.8We should find his owner.8Why don't we just put the poor little "Tootie"8out in the hall?8During a blackout? She'll get trampled.8Yeah.8[instrumental music]8Hey, gorgeous. How's it going?8Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights.8Does it get better than this?8Question, you're not dating anybody, are you?8Because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.8Ah, you see, perfect might be a problem.8Had you said, co-dependent or self-destructive...8- Do you want a date, Saturday?\n- Yes, please.8Okay.8He is cute, he's funny,-8- He's a "he"?\n- Well, yeah.8Oh, God.8I just...I thought..8...you're not, so. Good, Shelly. Okay.8I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now.8Okay. Bye-bye.8(Chandler) It's hard to enjoy cup of ramen noodles after that.9I mean, is that ridiculous?9Can you believe she actually thought that?9Um..9...yeah.9Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know9I thought maybe.. Possibly you might be.9- You did?\n- Yeah, but then.9But then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party9talking to my breasts9so then I figured maybe not.9Huh, did uh...any of the rest of you guys think that9when you first met me?9- I did.\n- Yeah, I think so, yeah.9- Not me.\n- No, no, me neither.9Although, uh, you know, back in college, Susan Salid.9You're kidding.9- Did you tell her I was...\n- No.9Well, it's just 'cause uh...9I wanted to go out with her too.9So I told her, actually9you were seeing Bernie Spellman9who also liked her, so..9Well, this is fascinating.9So, uh, what is it about me?9I don't know.9'cause you're smart, you're funny--9Ross is smart and funny. You ever think that about him?9Yeah! Right!9What is it?9[laughing]9Okay, I-I don't know.9You-you just...you have a quality.9- Yes, right.\n- Exactly.9Yeah, a quality.9Oh, oh, a quality, good.9Because I was worried you guys were gonna be9vague about this.9[instrumental music]9How we doing? You guys ready?9So, mom already called this morning9to remind me not to wear my hair up.9Did you know my ears were not my best feature?9Some days it's all I can think about.9Hi, I'm sorry I'm late.9I couldn't find my bearings.9Oh, you-you mean your earrings?9What did I say?9[Rachel clears throat]9- Are these the shoes?\n- Yes.9Paolo sent them from It.9What we.. We don't have shoes here?9Morning, are we ready to go?9Well, don't we look nice all dressed up.9It's stuff like that, isn't it?9[instrumental music]9[dramatic music]9(Monica) It was really a beautiful service.9It really was.9Oh, come here, sweetheart.9You know9I think it might be time you to start using night cream.9- What?\n- Nothing, nothing.9Just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Musburger.9Check it out.9Giants, Cowboys.9You're watching a football game at a funeral.9No, it's the pre-game.9I'm gonna watch it at the reception.9You're a frightening, frightening man.9Oh, no. My new Paolo shoes.9Oh, I hope they're not ruined.9God, what a great day.9What? Weather-wise.9I know, yeah..9...the air, the trees.9Even though Nana's gone there's-there's9something almost uh, I don't know, almost li--9- Ross!\n- Oh, Ross, are you okay?9- I'm fine, I'm fine.\n- Oh.9I'm just-just9having my worst fear realized.9[instrumental music]9Excuse me, sir.9Hi. You come in here all the time.9I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility9that you could give me n advance on my tips?9Huh? No.9Okay, okay. That's fine, fine.9Hey, I'm sorry about that spill...before.9Only $98.50 to go.9- Hey.\n- Hey.9Ross, did you know that mom and dad9are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?9What? No, they're not.9Yes, they are. The Blymans invited them.9You're wrong.9I am not wrong.9You're wrong.9No, I just talked to them.9I'm calling mom.10- Hey, hey.\n- Hey.10'And this from the cry-for-help department'10are you wearing make-up?10Yes, I am. 10As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani..10Actor/model. Thank you.10That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like10Joey Tribbiani...10...man/woman10What were you modeling for?10Oh, you know those posters for the city free clinic?10Oh, wow, so you're gonna one of those10"healthy, healthy, healthy" guys?10You know, the asthma guy is really cute.10Do you know which one you're gonna be?10No, but I hear Lyme disease is open, so, you know?10Good luck, man. I hope you get it.10Thanks.10Well, you were right.10How can they do this to us, huh?10- It's Thanksgiving.\n- Oh, okay. I'll tell you what..10How about if I cook dinner at my place?10I'll make it just like mom's.10Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?10You know they're not actually supposed to h--10I'll work on the lumps!10Joey, you're going home, right?10Yeah.10And I assume, Chandler, you're still10boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.10Yes, every single one of them.10And Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?10Yeah, and-and her boyfriend, but we're celebrating10Thanksgiving in December 'cause he's lunar.10S-So you're free Thursday, then?10- Yeah. Oh, can I come?\n- Yeah.10Rach, are you still thinking10you're gonna make it to Vail?10Absolutely.10Shoop, shoop, shoop.10Only $102 to go.10I thought it was $98.50.10Yeah, well, it was, but I-I broke a cup.10Well, I'm off to Carol's.10Ooh. Ooh. Why don't we invite her?10Ooh, Ooh because she's my ex-wife10and will probably want to bring her ooh, ooh10lesbian life partner.10...first saw the giant dog shadow fall over the park10Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down?10I mean that was just mean.10Okay, right about now10the turkey should be crispy on the outside10juicy on the inside...10Why are we standing here?10We're waiting for you to open the door.10You've got the keys.10No, I don't.10Yes, you do.10When we left, you said, "got the keys."10No, I didn't. I asked, "got the keys█ 10No, no, no, you said, "got the keys."█10Either of you have the keys?█10The oven is on!10Oh, I've got to get my ticket!10Oh, wait, wait. We have a copy of your key.10Well, then get it! Get it!10Hey, hey, that tone wont make me go any faster.10- Joey.\n- That one will.10[instrumental music]10Nope, not that one.10Can you go any faster with that?10Hey, I got one key hole and about a zillion keys.10You do the math.10Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?10For an emergency just like this.10Alright, listen, smirky, if it wasn't for you10and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane10watching a woman do this right now10but I'm not.10I swear you said you had the keys!10No, I didn't!10I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys...10And I obviously did not have the keys!10Oh, okay, alright. That's it. Enough with the keys.10- Why would I have the keys?\n- Oh.10Aside from the fact that you said you had them?10- But I didn't.\n- Well, you should have.10- 'Why?'\n- 'Because.'10- 'Why?'\n- 'Because.'10Why? Because everything is my responsibility?10Is that-isn't it enough that I'm making10Thanksgiving dinner for everyone?10You know, everyone wants a different kind of potato.10So I'm making different kinds of potatoes!10I mean, does anybody care10what kind of potatoes I want?10<i>No! No! No!</i>10You know, just as long Phoebe gets her peas and onions10and Mario gets his tots and...11It's my first Thanksgiving! and I..11It's all burned! and..11[sobbing]11Okay, Monica, only dogs can hear you now.11Look, the door's open. Here we go.11Oh, God.11- Oh.\n- Oh.11Well... turkey's burnt!11Potatoes are ruined. Potatoes are ruined.11Potatoes are ruined.11♪ Here we come 11♪ Walkin' down the.. 11This doesn't smell like mom's.11No, it doesn't, does it?11But you wanted lumps, Ross?11Well, here you go, buddy. You got one!11Oh, God, this is great!11The plane is gone, so I guess I'm stuck here with you guys!11Hey, we all had better plans, okay?11This was nobody's first choice.11Oh, really?11So why was I busting my ass to make11this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?!11You call that delicious?11[indistinct chatter]11Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!11Now, this feels like Thanksgiving.11[instrumental music]11Guys, there's, uh, somebody I'd like you to meet.11[gasping]11Wait, wait. What is that?11"That" would be Marcel.11- You wanna say hi?\n- No! No, I don't.11Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?11My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.11That is so cruel. Why?11Why would a parent name their child Bethel?11Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass.11Ross, is-is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?11Yeah, I mean, it's been kind of quiet since Carol left, so..11And why don't you just get a roommate?11Nah. I don't know.11I think you reach a certain age11having a roommate is just kind of pathe—11Uh, sorry, that's-that's, pathet11which is Sanskrit for "really cool way to live".11[instrumental music]11(Ross) Come here, Marcel. Sit here.11Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet.11I mean, God, by my sixth date with Paolo11I mean he'd already named both my breasts.11Oh, did-did I just share too much?11Just a smidge.11David's, like, you know, a scientist guy.11He's very methodical.11- I think it's romantic.\n- Me too!11Oh. Did you ever see "An Officer and a Gentleman"?11(together) Yeah.11Well, he's kind of like the guy11I went to see that with.11Except..11Except he-he's smarter and gentler and sweeter.11I just, I just wanna be with him all the time.11You know, day and night.11And night and day.11And special occasions.11Wait a minute. Wait. I see where this is going.11You're gonna ask him to New Year's, arent you?11You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.11No, no, no.11No.. 11Yeah, could I just...11[gasping]11Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.11- 'Oh!'\n- Chandler!\n- What?11Come on, this was a pact! This was your pact!11I snapped, okay?11I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped!11Yeah, but Janice?11That-that was like the worst breakup in history.11I'm not saying it was a good idea.11I'm saying I snapped.11Hi, hey, hi, sorry I'm late.11[chuckles]11Too many jokes.11Must mock Joey.11Nice shoes, huh?11[bells jingling]11God, you're killing me.11Oh, Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!11Look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?11Do you always have to bring him here?11But..11Look, I didn't wanna leave him alone.11Alright? We-we had our first fight this morning.11I think it has to do with my working late.11I said some things that I didn't mean and..11...he threw some feces.11You know, if you're gonna work late11I can look in on him for you.12Oh, that would be great!12But if you do make sure it seems like12you're there to see him. Okay?12And you're not, like, doing it as a favor to me.12Okay. But if he asks, I'm not going to lie.12[instrumental music]12Hey, guys, I'm doing all new material tonight.12I have 12 new songs about my mother's suicide.12and one about a snowman.12Might wanna open with the snowman.12- Hey, Joey.\n- Hey, Joey.12- Hey, buddy.\n- Hey, Jo.12So how'd it go?12Uh, I didn't get the job.12(together) Oh.12How could you not get it?12You were Santa last year.12I don't know, some fat guy's12sleeping with the store manager.12He's not even jolly. It's all political.12So what are you gonna be?12Uh, I'm gonna be one of his helpers.12It's just such a slap in the face, you know?12Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Years?12[indistinct chatter]12Gee! what? What is wrong with New Years?12Well, nothing for you. You have Paolo.12You don't have to face the horrible pressures12of this holiday.12Desperate scramble to find anything with lips12just so you can have somebody to kiss when the ball drops -12Man, I'm talking loud!12Well, for your information12Paolo's gonna be in Rome this New Year's.12So I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.12Yeah, you wish.12Just that I'm sick of ba victim this Dick Clark Holiday.12I say this year, no dates, we make a pact.12Just the six of us. Dinner.12- Sure.\n- Okay. We'll do that.12You know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.12[cheering]12Okay, Phoebe, you're on.12Oh, oh, good.12Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen back by popular demand.12Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooo!12[applauding]12Hi. Thanks. Hi.12Uh, ahem, I wanna start with a song12that means a lot to me this time of year.12♪ I made a man with eyes of coal ♪12♪ And a smile so bewitchin'12♪ How was I supposed to 12♪ That my mom was dead in the kitchen ♪12♪ La la la la la.. 12♪ My mother's ashes 12♪ Even her eyelashes 12♪ Are resting in a little yellow jar ♪12♪ And sometimes when it's freezing ♪ [indistinct chatter] 12♪ I feel a little sneezy and now I.. ♪ [indistinct chatter] 12Excuse me? Excuse me?12Yeah, noisy boys.12Is it something that you would to share with the entire group?12No, no, that's-that's o.12Well, come on, if it's important enough12to discuss while I'm playing.12Then, I assume it's important enough12for everyone else to he.12That guy's going home with a note.12[clears throat] Nothin', I was, I was just saying--12- Could you speak up, p?\n- Sorry.12I was..12I was just saying friend that I thought12you were the most beautiful woman12that I'd ever seen in-in my life.12And then, he said that, you-you said you thought12- Daryl Hannah - Daryl Hannah was the most, uh, beautiful woman12that he'd ever seen in his life.12And I said, "Yeah, I lir in Splash a lot12"but not so much in-in Wall Street.12I thought she had a..12(together) ...hard quality.12'And, uh, and, uh, well, Daryl Hannah'12is beautiful in a conventional way12you are, uh, luminous with a kind of delicate grace.12Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling.12Okay, we're gonna take a short break.12I think that guy's going home with more than a note.12Do you think they have yesterday's"Daily News?"12Why?12I just want to check my horoscope12to see if it was right.12Oh, my God, Phoebe.12Don't look now but behind you, there is a guy12who has the potential to break our hearts12and plunge us into a pit of depression.12Where?12Oh, come to mama.12He's coming. Be cool. Be cool, be cool.12- Nice hat.\n- (Both) Thanks.13- We should do something..\n- Whistle.13- We are not going to w.\n- Yeah, come on. Do it.13- No! No!\n- Do it! Do it! Do it! !13Whoa-whoa!13[siren blaring]13[tires screech]13[thud]13Oh! I can't believe you did that!13[instrumental music]13(Monica) 'Why did I whoo-hoo?'13I mean, what was I hoping would happen?13That-that he'd turn around and say13"Ooh. I love that sound, I must have you now?"13I just wish there was something we could do.13Hello.13Hello, coma guy.13Get up, you Girl Scout! Up! Up! Up!13Phoebe, what are you doing?13Maybe nobody's tried this.13I wish we at least knew his nam.13'Would you look at that'13I mean, even sleeping, he-he looks smart.13I bet he's a lawyer.13Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckl?13- That means he's artistic.\n- Okay.13He's a lawyer who teaches sculpting on the side.13- And he can dance.\n- Oh!13Yeah, he's the kind of of guy13when you're talking, he's listening13you know, and not saying "Yeah, I understand"13but really wondering what you look like naked.13Oh, definitely!13I wish all guys could be like him.13I know.13Hey, Rach.13- Hey.\n- Hello.13Hello.13Going to the hospital tonight?13No. You?13No. You?13You just asked me.13Okay, maybe it was a trick question.13Um, Rachel, can we do this now?13Okay.13[chuckling] I am so hot!13And, uh, here's a pictue of my mother and father13on their wedding day.13Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.13I cannot believe we're having this conversation.13Come on! Just try to picture not pregnant. That's all.13Central Perk is proud to present Ms. Phoebe Buffay!13[cheering]13(Phoebe) 'Thanks.'13Hi. Um, ahem, okay.13I'd like to start with a song13that's about a man that I recently met13who's, um, come to be very important to me.13Okay.13♪ You don't have to be awake to be my man ♪13♪ Long as you have brainwaves13♪ I'll be there to hold your hand ♪13♪ Though we just met the day there's something ♪13♪ I have got to say 13Okay. Thank you very muh I'm going to take a short break.13No, really. Come on. You're smart. You're sexy13- Oh, right.\n- Listen to me, kiddo.13You're going to be fine. Believe me.13Uh-oh.13Uh..13I'll just pee in the street.13[knock on door]13- Hey, is Chandler here?\n- Yeah.13Okay, come here.13Okay, uh, about last night.13You know. Chandler. You didn't tell..13Okay, 'cause I'm thinking we don't need to tell Chandler13I mean, it was just a kiss right?13One kiss, no big deal. Right?13- Right, no big deal.\n- Okay.13In bizarro world!13- You broke the code.\n- What code?13You don't kiss your friend's mom.13Sisters are okay..13...maybe a hot-lookin' aunt, but not a mom.13Never a mom!13[screams]13What are you guys doing out here?13Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed13getting in an early-morning racquetball game.13But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.13Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet.13No, no, I don't because it's being restrung.13Somebody was supposed to bring me one.13Yeah. Well, you didn't call and leave your grip size.13You guys spend a way too much time together.13Okay, I'm scum. I'm scum!13Ross, how could you let this happen?13I don't know. God, I..13Well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know?13She's-she's sexy. She's...14You don't think my mom's sexy?14- Well, not in the same way.\n- Hey!14I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani14was a handsome woman in her day, alright?14You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?14Huh?14Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here.14- Hey.\n- Hey.14What are you guys doing out here?14Well, n-not playing racquetball!14He forgot to leave his grip size.14- He didn't get the goggles.\n- Oh.14Well...sounds like you two have issues.14- Bye, baby.\n- Ciao, bella.14Do they wait for me to do this? 14- So are you gonna tell?\n- No, I'm not going to tell him.14Why would I tell him?14How about 'cause if you, his mother might.14- Oh.\n- What are you guys doing here?14Uh...he's not even wearing a jock strap.14What did I ask?14- Oh, my God.\n- You're my friend.14I, I had to tell you.14I can't believe it.14Paolo kissed my mom?14Yeah, I mean, uh, I-I dont know14if you noticed but he had a lot to drink.14You know, I mean, you kknow how he gets when he's druu--14I can't do this. I did it.14It was me. I'm sorry.14- I kissed your mom.\n- What?14I...I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo14and I think I had too much tequila and Nora, um..14Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was uh...14She was just being nice, you know, and-and..14But nothing happened. Nothing. Ask Joey.14- Joey, uh, he came in..\n- You knew about this?14Uh, you know, knowledge is a tricky thing, uhh..14I spent the entire day with you. Why didn't you tell me?14Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them14when I did, or else who knows what would have happened?14Thanks, man. Big help.14I can't believe this. What the hell were you thinking?14I wasn't. I-I don't know.14You know, of all my friends, no one knows the crap14I go through with my mom more than you.14- I know. I--\n- I can't believe you did this!14- Chandler..\n- Me neither, you know--14I'm still mad at you for not telling me.14- Chandler..\n- Why you mad at me?14Let me slam the door!14Chandler, well, I didn't kiss her. He did!14See what happens when you break the code?14- Joey.\n- Ah. Uh.14Aunt Syl, stop yelling.14All I'm saying is, if you had told me14vegetarian lasagna I would have made14vegetarian lasagna.14Well, the-the meat's only every third layer.14May-maybe you could scrape.14Ross, did you really read14all these baby books?14Yep, you could plunk men14in the middle of any woman's uterus14no compass..14...and I could find my way out of there like [snaps] that.14Ooh, this is cool.14It says, "In some parts of the world14"people actually eat the placenta."14And we're done with the yogurt.14Sorry.14Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor.14I am not a caterer.14What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas?14Nice talk, Aunt Syl.14You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?14Hey, Ross. Listen.14Do you know that right now14your baby is only this big?14This is your baby.14Hi, daddy.14Hello.14How come you don't live with mommy?14How come mommy lives with that other lady?14What's a lesbian?14[speaking in Italian]14Honey, you can say it. You can..14Poconos. Poconos.14It's like poke-a-nose.14Ah, poke-a-nose.14Hmm.14(together) Blah, blah, blah.14So did I hear Poconos?14Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.14Whoo-hoo. First weekend away together14- Yeah, that's a big step.\n- 'I know.'14Oh, it's just a weekend. Big deal.14Wasn't this just supposed to be a fling, huh?14Shouldn't it be..14...flung by now?15I mean, we are way past the fling thing.15I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about15in Danielle Steel books, you know?15I mean, when I'm with h, I'm just totally, total.15Nauseous. I'm physically nauseous.15What am I supposed to d? Call immigration?15I could call immigratio.15I think it's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.15- I know.\n- So how does this work?15You're gonna balance the plates on these little guys' heads?15Who cares? We'll eat at the sink. Come on..15Heads up, Ross.15Score! You suck.15Are you okay?15I need some milk.15Okay. I've got milk.15Here you go. Oh.15Better?15No.15Oh, I feel so stupid!█15Oh, I think about the other day with you guys15you know and I was all, "Oh, Paolo, he's so great!"15"He makes me feel so..."15Oh! God.15I'm so embarrassed.15I'm so embarrassed.15I'm the one he hit on.15Phoebe, I unleashed him, if I had never met him15this would have never happened to you.15(together) I'm so sorry.15- No Phoebe, I'm sorry.\n- No, I'm sorry.15- No, I'm sorry!\n- No, I'm sorry!15Oh, wait. Oh..15...what are we sorry ab?15I don't know. Right.15- He's the pig.\n- Such a pig.15- Oh, God, he's such a pig!\n- Oh, he's like a--15He's like a big, disgusting pig.15- Yeah, like a..\n- Pig...pig man.15Yes, good. Okay.15Oh, but he was my pig man.15How did I not see this?15Oh, I know!15Because15he's gorgeous15and he's charming..15And when he looks at you--15- Okay, okay, Pheebs.\n- Oh, the end.15Oh, God.15Should I not have told you?15No. No, trust me.15It's-it's-it's much better that I know.15Uh, I just liked it better before it was better.15[instrumental music]15I think she took it pretty well.15You know, Paolo's over there right now, so..15We should get over there and see if she's okay.15- What? Oh.\n- Just one...second.15[cheering]15(together) Score.15- Game. Nice.\n- Yes.15- Come on, Pheebs.\n- Ah, ooh!15Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts.15No, no, she kicked our butts.15You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.15Come on, two on one.15What are you still doing here?15She just broke up with the guy.15It's time for you to swoop in.15- What? Now?\n- Yes, now is when you swoop!15You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there15the first guy Rachel sees is you.15She's got to know that you're everything he's not!15You're like-like the Anti-Paolo.15My Catholic friend is right.15She's distraught. You're there for her.15You pick up the pieces, and then, you usher in..15...the age of Ross.15[screaming]15(Chandler) 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'15That is it! You just barge in here!15- You don't knock!\n- I'm sorry!15You have no respect for anybody's privacy.15- Rachel, wait, wait.\n- No, you wait.15- This is ridiculous--\n- Can I just say one thing?15What?! What?!15That's a relatively open weave15and I can still see your...15"nippular" area.15[gasps]15[indistinct]15Okay. You guys want anything else?15Oh, yes, could I have one of those--15No, I'm sorry. We're all out of those.15- Anybody else?\n- Okay.15Did I, uh, did I miss something between--15No. She's still upset because I saw her boobies.15Well, what? What-what when you doing seeing her boobies?15It was an accident, it's not like I was across the street15with a telescope and a box of doughnuts.16[laughter]16Okay, okay. Can we change the subject, please?16Yeah, 'cause, hello, these are not her 'boobies'.16These are her breasts.16Okay, Pheebs. I was hoping for more of a change.16You know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed.16They were very nice boobies!16"Nice"? They were nice?16I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.16Okay. Rock. Hard place.. Me!16You're... you're... you're so funny.16He's really funny.16I wouldn't want to be te when-when the laughter stops..16Whoa, whoa. Back up there, sparky.16What did you mean by that?16Well, it just seems as though that16maybe you have intimacy issues, y'know...16that you use your humor as a way of...16keeping people at a distance.16- Huh.\n- I mean, hey...16I just met you. I don't know you from Adam.16Only child, right?16Parents divorced before you hit puberty.16Uh-huh. How did you know that?16It's textbook.16- Hey, you guys.\n- Hey, Joe.16- You all know my dad.\n- Hey, hey, hey.16Hey, how long you in the city?16Just for a couple of days. I got a job Midtown.16I figured I'm better off staying with the kid16than hauling my ass back and forth on a ferry.16I don't know this one.16- Oh, this is my friend, Roger.\n- Hi.16Hey, hey.16- Good to meet you, Rog.\n- 'You too, sir.'16What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?16Dad.16Oh, oh. Excuse me.16So, Ross, uh, how's the wife?16[moans]160 for two, huh?16Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny.16I got to go.16[laughs] Miss you too.16I love you, but it's getting real late now--16- Let me say hi.\n- Oh, wha-no wait--16Hey, ma, listen.16I made the appointment with Dr. Bozita and..16Excuse me?16Did you know this isn't ma?16Her name's Ronni.16She's a pet mortician.16Sure.16So, how long you been..16Remember when you were a little kid, I used take you16to the navy yard and show you the big ships?16Since then?16No. It's only been six years...16I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head16so you'd know I wasn't always such a terrible guy.16Joe, you ever been in love?16I don't know.16Then you haven't. You're burning your tomatoes.16[chuckles] You're one to talk.16Joe, your dad's in love big time and the worst part of is...16it's with two different women.16Oh, man, please tell me one of them is ma.16Of course, of course, one of them's ma.16What's the matter with you?16It's like if you woke up one day16and found out your dad was leading this double life.16He's, like, actually some spy working for the CIA16That would be cool.16This blows!16Yeah. I know. I mean, why can't parents just stay parents?16You know, why do they have to become people?16Why do they have..16Why..16...can't you stop starig at my breasts?16What?16What?16Did you not get a good enough look the other day?16Alright, alright. We're all adults here.16There's only one way to resolve this.16Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh16you're going to have to show her your pee-pee.16You know, I don't see that happening.16Come on. He's right. Tit for tat.16Well, I'm not showing you my "tat".16How do I look?16Oh, um...I don't care.16There's Lorraine.16Okay, now remember, no trading.16You get the pretty one, I get the mess.16- Hi, Joey.\n- Hey.16Well, well.16Look what you brought.16Very nice.16And what did you bring?16She's checking her coat.17Joey, I'm going to go wash the cab smell off my hands17Will you get me a White Zinfandel17and a glass of red for Janice.17Janice?17No.17Janice?17Oh17my17God.17Hey, it's [mumbling] Janice.17You know..17...ever since I was little17I've been able to pick up quarters17with my toes.17Yeah?17Good for you.17Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?17By the way, Chandler17I cut you out of all my pictures17so if you want, I have a bag17with just your heads.17That's okay.17Oh, are you sure? Really?17Because you know, you could make17little puppets out of them and you could use them17in your theater of cruelty!17We can't do that.17What? What can't you do?17Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?17Uh.17We might be leaving now.17Tell me it's you and me, "we"17She said she wants to slather my body with stuff17and then lick it off.17I'm not even sure what "slathering" is.17But I definitely want to be a part of it.17Okay, you cannot do this to me.17You're right. I'm sorry.17Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go, please?17I'm out of here.17Look..17...here's my credit card.17Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.17I hope she throws up on you.17Thanks.17So.17Just us.17Oh, what a crappy night.17Although, I have enjoyed the fact17that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper.17ever since you came back from the bathroom.17Excuse me.17How you doing?17So..17..do we have the best friends or what?17Joey's not a friend.17He's..17...a stupid man who left us his credit card.17Another drink? Some dessert?17A big screen TV?17I will go for that drink.17You got it. Good woman! [snaps]17Can we get a bottle of most overpriced champagne?17- Each.\n- That's right, each.17Oh, and a Rob Roy.17I've always wanted to know.17Happy Valentine's Day. 17Okay. Okay.17Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney17Which one was Pete Carney?17"Pete the Weeper"?17Remember the guy that used to cry17every time we had sex?17[fake crying] "Uh, was it good for you?"17Yeah, well, I'd take a little crying any day17over Howard the "I win" guy.17"I win, I win."17I went out with the guy for two months.17I didn't get to win onc.17How do we end up with these jerks?17We're good people.17I don't know, maybe we're like17some kind of magnets.17I know I am.17That's why I can't wear a digital watch.17There's more beer, right?17Oh!17You know my friend Abby who shaves her head?17She says that if you want to break17the bad boyfriend cycle17you can do, like, a cleansing ritual.17Pheebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.17Yeah.17So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guy.17It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.17Okay. Well, what kind of ritual?17Okay, we can um..17...we can burn the stuff they gave us.17Or?17Or, or we can chant18and dance around naked.18You know, with sticks.18- Burning is good.\n- Burning is good, yeah.18I got stuff to burn.18(Phoebe) Okay, so now we need sage branches18and the sacramental wine.18All I had is-is oregano and a Fresca.18Um...that's okay!18Ooh.18Okay.18Alright, now we need the semen of a righteous man.18Okay, Pheebs, you know what?18If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual18in the first place.18- Can we just start\nthrowing things in?\n- Um..18Yeah, okay!18Oh.18Okay.18Okay, Barry's letters.18Adam Ritter's boxer sho.18Oh, and I have the recet from my dinner with18Nokulule Oon [tongue click] Ah .18Here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.18- Oh.\n- Let me see.18He's wearing a sweater.18No.18- Eww.\n- Eww.18Okay18and here we have the last of Paolo's grappa!18Wait, Rachel, isn't that almost pure..18[instrumental music]18Hey, you guys, you guys, Chandler's coming.18And he says he has like, this incredible news.18So when he comes, let's all act like, you know--18- Hey.\n- Okay, never mind.18But it was gonna be really good.18- What's going on?\n- What's up?18So, it's a typical day at work.18I'm in putting my numbers, and Big Al18calls me into his office18and tells me, he wants to make me "processing supervisor"18- That is great!\n- Congratulations.18So...18I quit.18- What? Why?\n- Why?18Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!18Yeah, Chandler, you've been there for five years.18But, if I took this promotion it'd be like admitting18that this is what I actually do!18So, is it a lot more money?18It doesn't matter, I just don't wanna be one of those guys18that's in his office until 12 o'clock at night18worrying about the WENUS.18The... the "WENUS"?18Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems.18It's a processing term.18Oh...that WEENUS.18So, what are you gonna do?18I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I wanna do...18I just know I'm not gona figure it out working there.18Oh! I have something you can do.18I have this new massage client, Steve.18Anyway, um.. he's opening up a restaurant18and he's looking for a head chef.18- Um...hi, there.\n- Hi.18Oh, yeah, I know, I know, you're a chef.18I know and I thought of you first.18But, um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now. So..18Yeah, I just don't have a lot of cheffing experience.18Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.18Yeah, yeah.18What kind of food is he looking for?18Well, he wants to do something eclectic.18So he's looking for someone18who can create the entire menu.18- Oh, my God!\n- Yeah, I know.18So, what do you think?18Thanks, Phoebe, I just don't really see myself18in a big white hat.18Okay.18Oh, Monica, guess what!?18[instrumental music]18"Vulva"?18Alright. I panicked. Alright?18She...she took me by surprise, you know.18But, it wasn't a total loss.18I mean, uh, we ended up cuddling.18Whoa, you cuddled?18How many times?18Shut up. It was nice.18I didn't.. I just don't think18I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?18What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her18and what you want her to do to you18and what you think other people might18be doing to each other.18Look. I tell you what.18Try something on me.18Please be kidding.18Why not? Come on.19Just...just close your eyes19and tell me what you'd like19to be doing right now.19Okay. I'm, uh.. I'm in my apartment..19- Yeah...what else?\n- That's it.19I'm in my apartment. You're not there.19We're not having this conversation.19Alright, look, I'll start, okay?19- Joey, please.\n- C'mon, c'mon, alright.19Ready? Look.19Oh, Ross..19You get me so hot.19I want your lips on me now.19- Huh?\n- Hmm.19Alright. Now you say something.19I, uh, I really don't think so.19-C'mon, you like this\nwoman, right?\n- Well, yeah.19- You want to see\nher again, right?\n- Sure..19Well, if you can't talk dirty to me19how you gonna talk dirty to her?19Now, tell me you want to caress my butt!19Okay. Turn around.19I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.19Alright. Alright. I'm not looking. Go ahead19Okay.19[clearing throat]19I want..19Okay, I-I wanna... feel your..19...hot, soft skin with my lips.19There you go!19Keep going. Keep going.19I, uh..19...I wanna take my tongue, and..19...and, and..19Say it.19Say it!19Run it all over your body until you're..19...trembling with...with...19With..?19Funny story.19You're not gonna believe this.19It's okay, it's okay, I was always rooting19for you two kids to get together.19Hey, guys.19Hey.19Hey, Pheebs, guess who we saw today.19Ooh! Oh, fun! Okay.19- Um, Liam Neeson?\n- No.19- Morley Safer?\n- Nope.19- The woman who cuts my hair?\n- No.19Okay. Look, this could be a really long game.19- Your sister, Ursula.\n- Oh. Really?19Yeah, yeah. She works over at that place, uh--19- Riff's. Yeah, I know.\n- Oh, you do?19Because she said you guys haven't talked in like, years...19Mm-hmm. Yeah.19So, um, is she fat?19Not from where I was standing.19Where were you standing?19Uh, Pheebs, so you-you guys just don't get along?19[sighs] It's mostly just dumb sister stuff. 19I mean, like everyone always thought of her19as the pretty one, you know, and..19Oh! Oh!19She was the first one to start walking19even though I did it19later that same day.19But to my parents by then it was like19"Yeah, right. W-what else is new?"19Oh! Pheebs, I'm sorry. I've got to go.19I've, I've got Lamaze class.19Oh, and I've got earth science19but I'll catch you in gym?19[sighs] So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?19No. Susan's going to be there too.19We've got dads, we've got lesbians.19The whole parenting team.19Well, isn't, isn't that going to be weird?19No, no.19I mean, it might've been at first, but by now19I-I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation.19- Ross, that's my jacket.\n- I know.19[instrumental music]19Hi. We're the Rostins.19I'm J.C.19And he's Michael.19And we're having a boy and a girl.19[chuckles] Good for you.19Alrighty. Next?19Hi, um, I'm, uh..19[clears throat]19I'm Ross Geller and, uh19that's, that's my boy in there.19[chuckles]19And this is Carol Willick19and this...is Susan Bunch..19Susan is, um, Carol's..19[mumbles]19[chuckles]19- Um--\n- Who's next?20I'm sorry. I didn't get. Susan is..20Susan's Carol's, Carol's, Carol's friend.20- Life partner.\n- Like buddies.20Like lovers.20You know how close women can get.20Susan and I live together.20Although I was married to her.20- Carol, not me.\n- Uh, right.20- It's a little complicated.\n- A little.20- But we're fine.\n- Absolutely.20So twins?20That's, like, two births.20Ouch!20It's not just that she's cute, okay?20It's just that..20...she's really, really cute.20It doesn't matter.20You don't dip your pen20in the company ink.20[squeaking]20Ross, your little creature's20got the remote again.20Marcel, Marcel, give Rossy the remote.20(man on TV) He meant to take..20Marcel.20Marcel, you give Rossy the remote right now.20[squeaking]20(man on TV) '...and I win--'20'Marcel, you give Rossy the remote.'20[TV audio in Spanish]20- Great.\n- Relax. I'll fix it.20[TV audio in Spanish]20'Oh, cool.'20"Urkel" in Spanish20is "Urkel."20How did he do this?20So, tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up20part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?20No, no, you see, someone was supposed20to take them down around New Year's20but obviously someone forgot.20Well, someone was supposed to write20"Rach, take down the lights"20and put it on the refrigera..20How long has that been there?20Hey, where you been?20I went back to Riff's.20I think Ursula likes me.20All I ordered was coffee.20She brought me a tuna melt20and four plates of curly fries.20Score.20- She is so hot.\n- Yeah, listen. Okay.20Before you do anything Joey-like20you might wanna run it by, uh..20[laughing on TV]20- Yeah?\n- Yeah.20Yeah. Pheebs?20Yeah.20Do you think it would by if I asked out your sister?20Why? Why would you want to do that?20Why?20Well, so that if we went out on a date20she'd be there.20Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's20you know, whatever and, uh..20I mean...it's true we were one egg once20but, uh..20You know, we've grown apart20so, um..20I don't know. Why not? Okay.20Cool. Thanks.20[man on TV speaking Spanish]20[Phoebe sighs]20You okay?20Yeah. I'm fine.20You wanna watch "Laverne y Shirley?"█20<i>Cinco, seis, siete, ocho</i>20(women on TV) 'Schlemiel! Schlamaze█ 20<i>'Hasenpfeffer Incorporado</i>20Rachel, what are you doing?20It's freezing out here.20Would you come back inside?20No, no, no, no, no.20You wanted me to take 'em down20so...I'm taking20'em down, okay?20Whoa. Whoa!20Oh, my God. Rachel!20- Rachel!\n- I'm okay! I'm okay!20Mr. Heckles?20Mr. Heckles, could you, could you help me, please?20See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.20[theme music]20- Ow, ow, ow.\n- Ow, ow, ow.20Hi, uh, my friend here was taking down20our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony20and may have broken her foot or, or ankle or something..20My God. You still have your Christmas lights up?!20Fill this out and bring it back to me.21- Okay, here we go.\n- Ow, ow, ow.21Ow, ow, ow.21Okay.21Ooh. Alright.21Name.21Address.21Okay. In case of emergency, call?21You.21Really?21Yeah.21Oh, that's so sweet.21Oh, gosh. I love you.21Insurance?21Oh, yeah. Check it.21Definitely gonna want some of that.21You don't have insurance?21Why? How much is this gonna cost?21I have no idea, but X-rays alone21could be a couple hundred dollars.21Well, what are we gonna do?21There's not much we can do.21Um...unless, unless I use yours.21No, no, no..21Well, now, wait a second.21Who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?21That's insurance fraud.21Well, alright. Then, forget it.21Might as well just go home.21Ow. Ow. Ow!21Okay. Okay, come here.21- I hate this.\n- Thank you.21Thank you, I love you.21Hi.21Um, I'm gonna need a new set of these forms.21Why?21I am really an idiot.21You see I was filling out my friend's form21and instead of putting her information21I put mine.21You are an idiot.21[instrumental music]21Hey.21Oh.21Um, have you got a minute?21Um, yeah. I'm just working.21- So.\n- Uh-huh.21Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.21Oh, wow, you remembered.21Oh, it's a Judy Jetson thermos.21Right, like the kind you--21Right.21Oh, I got something for you too.21How'd you know I was coming?21Um...yeah, um, twin thing.21I can't believe you did this.21I can't believe you...did this..21So..21What's the deal with, um, you and Joey?21Oh, right.21He is so great.21But that's over.21Does he know?21Who?21Joey. You know, um..21He's, he's really nutsy about you.21- He is? Why?\n- You got me.21Right. Excuse me.21Doesn't this come with a side salad?21So, um, are you going to call him?21What? You think he likes me?21No, Joey.21Oh. No.21No. He is so smart.21He'll figure it out.21Do you want some chicken?21No. No food with a face.21You have not changed.21Yeah, you too.21Hey.21Urs...what are you doing here?21I've been trying to call you.21- Listen, um--\n- Oh, no, no, no.21Don't say, "listen."21I know that "listen." I've said that "listen."21I'm sorry.21I don't get it. What happened?21What about everything you said under the bridge?21Yeah, um..21You know, you should just forget about21what I said under the bridge.21I was talking crazy that night.21I was so drunk.21You don't drink.21That's right, I don't.21But I was, I was drunk on you..21- Oh, Urs.\n- But, okay, yeah.21So it's not gonna work.21Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?21If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?21No. No. I, I couldn't do that.22Um, then, yeah. It's 'cause of Phoebe.22So, you know, it's either her or me.22Then, uh, then I'm sorry.22You know..22...you're going to be really really hard to get over.22I know.22I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breaking up22but...you have never looked so beautiful.22Really?22- Pheebs?\n- Yeah? Oh..22[laughing]22Shut up!22We're not saying anything.22- What?\n- Uh, Joey cried last night.22Thank you.22We were playing poker, right...22There was chocolate on the three.22It looked like an eight, alright?22Oh, you should have seen him..22"Read 'em and weep."22And then he did.22Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?22Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing?22Like, some kind of sexist guy thing?22Like, it's poker, so only guys can play.22No. Women are welcome to play.22Oh, okay. So then what is it?22Some kind of, you know..22...like, some kind of, you know, like..22Alright, what is it?22There just don't happen to be any women in our game.22Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women22that know how to play poker.22- Oh. - Oh please, that is such a lame excuse!22I mean, it-it's a typical guy response.22Excuse me, do any of you know how to play?22(in unison) No.22But, you could teach us.22(in unison) No.22Okay, so now we draw cards.22So, I wouldn't need any, right?22'Cause I have a straight!22- Oh! Good for you!\n- Congratulations!22Okay, Pheebs, how many do you want?22Okay. I just need two.22The, uh, ten of spades and the six of clubs.22No, Pheebs, you can't do--22Oh, wait, I have the ten of spades. Here, you want it?22No, no.22Uh, no, see, you-you can't do that.22Oh, no, no, no, that's okay.22I don't need them. I'm going for fours.22Oh, you're..22Alright, here we go.22We got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites.22Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what are you doin'?22This is a poker game, you can't serve food22with more than one syllable.22It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz.22Okay, so at this point, the dealer--22Alright, you know, we got it. Let's play for real, alright?22- High stakes, big bucks.\n- Alright, now, you sure?22Pheebe just threw away two jacks22because they didn't look happy.22But, I'm ready, so just deal.22Okay. Alright, last-minute lesson, last-minute lesson.22Joey, three..22...eight.22Eight, three. Alright. Very good.22Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!22I see. So then, you were lying.22About what?22About how good your cards were.22I was bluffing.22Uh-huh. And what is bluffing?22Is it not another word for lying?22Okay, sorry to break up this party22but, I've got resumes to fax before lunch tomorrow.22Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.22Settle what?22The Jamestown colony of Virginia.22You see King George is giving us the land, so..22The game, Rachel. The game.22You owe us money for the game.22Oh. Right.22You know, what, you guys, it's their first time.22Why don't we just forget about the money.22Hell, no, we'll pay!22Monica, I had another answer all ready.22And you know what? We want a rematch.22Well, that's fine with me.22Could use the money.22So basically, you get your ya-yas22by taking money from all of your friends.22Yeah.22Yes, and I get my ya-yas from IKEA.22You have to put them together yourself22but they cost a little less.22Look, Rach, this is poker.22I play to win, alright?23In order for me to win, other people have to lose.23So, if you're gonna play poker with me23don't expect me to be a nice guy.23Okay, 'cause once those cards are dealt..23Yeah?23I'm not a nice guy.23Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you?23Your whole face is getting red.23The little vein's popping outta your temple23Plus, that shirt doesn't really match those pants.23First of all, I'm not losing, I-23[phone ringing]\n- Oh, you're definitely losing..\n- Let's not talk about losing--23Hello. Rachel Green.23[imitating] Me-me-me.23Excuse me. It's about the job..23Barbara, hi. How are you?23Uh-huh.23No, I understand.23Yeah, oh, well, come on, no, I'm fine.23Don't be silly.23Yeah, but, you know, if anything else opens up..23please- hello?23Hello?23[scoffs]23Hmm.23Sorry, Rach.23Yeah, you know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff.23Yeah. Okay.23Where were we?23Oh. Okay. Five-card draw.23Uh...jacks or better.23Nothing wild. Everybody ante.23Look, Rach, we don't have to do this.23Yes, we do.23- Alright, check.\n- Check.23I'm in for 50 cents.23- Call.\n- I'm in.23I see your 50 cents..23...and I raise you...$5.23I thought it was a 50-cent limit.23Well, I just lost a job and I'd like to raise23the bet five bucks.23Does anybody have a problem with that?23[indistinct chatter]23Loser?23No, I fold.23What do you mean you fo? Hey, come on, what is this?23I thought that "once the cards <i>are dealt, I'm not a nice guy"</i>23I mean what, were you just full of it?23I'm in.23How many you want?23One.23Dealer takes two.23- 'What do you bet?'\n- I bet $2.23Okay, see your two..23...and I raise you..23...twenty.23Wha..23I'll see your 20..23...raise you 25.23See your 25..23...and, uh, Monica, get my purse.23Rachel, there's nothing in it.23Okay, then get me your purse.23Okay...here you go. Good luck.23Thank you.23I saw your 25, and I raise you..23...seven.23-teen.23Joey, I'm a little shy.23That's okay, Ross. You can ask me.23- What do you need?\nWhat do you need?\n- Fifteen.23- Here's ten.\n- Here, I got five. I got five.23- Thank you.\n- Good luck.23Okay, I am calling your seventen23What do you got?23[dramatic music]23Full house.23You got me.23- Oh!\n- Oh!23♪ Da da da da da-da 23♪ Da da da da da-da 23Oh..23Oh!23That's alright, you know, that's a tough hand to beat.23I thought we had them!23When you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards.23But, uh...23Look how happy she is.23How could you lose him?23I don't know, I don't know.23We were watching TV23and then he pooped in Monica's shoe..23Wait. He pooped in my shoe?23- Which one?\n- I don't know.23- The left one.\n- Which ones?23Oh, oh, those little clunky Amish things23you think go with everything.23-Hey.\n- Hi.23Whoa. Oh.24Why is the air in here so negative?24- Rachel lost Marcel.\n- Oh, no! How?24- He-he pooped in my shoe.\n- Which one?24Those cute little black ones I wear all the tim.e24No. Which one?24The right or left?24'Cause the left one is lucky.24Come on, you guys, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?24Alright, alright, alright... You're a monkey.24You're loose in the city.24Where do you go?24Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do24some of the touristy things.24I'll go to Cats. You go to the Russian Tea Room.24Oh, my God! Come on, you guys!24He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me!24Okay, we'll start with the building.24You guys take the first and second floor.24Phoebe and I will take third and fourth.24W-w-what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?24Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone..24Spray Lysol in my shoe and wait for Ross to kill you.24Does anybody wanna trade? Oh..24[instrumental music]24Come on.24[knocks on door]24What do you want?24Mr. Heckles, our-our-our friend lost a monkey.24Have you seen it?24I left a Belgian waffle out here.24- Did you take it?\n- No!24Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?24I wasn't ready for it.24The monkey..24Have you seen a monkey?24Saw Regis Philbin once.24Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles.24You owe me a waffle.24Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchin monkey24with a white face24with-with Russian dressing and pickles on the side.24Okay. Thanks.24- Hi.\n- Hey.24How did, uh, how did it go today?24- Oh, great!\n- Yeah?24It went great. Really great.24- Hey, is that wine?\n- Yeah, yeah.24- Oh.\n- You, uh, you want some?24Oh, I would love some.24But you know what? You know what?24Let's not drink it here.24I'm feeling kind of crazy.24You wanna go to Newark?24Uh, okay. Yeah, uh, we could do that.24But before we head off to the murder capital24of the Northeast..24...I was, uh.. Kind of wanted to to run something by you.24You know how we were, uh, you know, talking before24about, uh, relationships and stuff, well..24Oh, God, Ross, I cannot do this.24Okay, quick and painful.24Oh, God. Okay, alright.24Alright, okay.24Ross, please don't hate me.24Oh, why? What? What?24[chuckles]24Uh, you know Marcel?24Yeah?24Well, ahem, I, I kind of..24...I kind of lost him.24[indistinct]24[car horn honking]24- 'Marcel?'\n- 'Marcel?'24Marcel?24(both) Marcel?24- Oh, my God!\n- What?24Something just brushed up against my right leg.24- What is it?\n- Oh.24Oh, it's okay. It was just my left leg.24[screeching]24- 'Look, Phoebe!'\n- Oh, yeah. Oh, Marcel.24Come here. Oh, come here, Marcel.24Step aside, ladies.24Oh, what are you gonna do?24Just a small tranquilizer.24[dramatic music]24(Monica) 'Run, Marcel! Run!'24- Run, Marcel!\n- Damn!24- Are you okay?\n- Uh, yeah, I think so.24I just..24Oh.24Huh..24- Whoa.\n-Oh.24Oh, gosh.24[screeching]24- 'Marcel?'\n- 'Marcel?'24Marcel? This is ridiculous!24We've been all over the neighborhood.24He's gone. He's-he's just gone!24- Ross, you don't know that.\n- Oh, come on.25It's cold. It's dark. He doesn't know the village!25Oh..25And now I have a broken foot. Oh, my.25I have no monkey and a broken foot.25- Thank you very much.\n- Ross, you know?25I've said I'm sorry like a million times.25What do you want me to ? Huh? What do you wanna..25You want to break my fo? Is that it? Okay, here.25I'm gonna break my foot. Right now, there.25Ow! Oh! Oh, God!25Oh, my God. There, are you happy now?25Yeah, yeah, you know, now that you kicked the sign25hey! What? I don't miss Marcel anymore.25You know, it is not like I did this on purpose.25No, no, no, this is just vintage Rachel.25I mean, things just sort of happen around you.25I mean, you're off in Rachel Land25doing your Rachel thing25totally oblivious to people's monkeys25or to people's feelings and..25- Ross?\n- I don't even wanna hear it.25- No, you're always--\n- Ross..25- Oh, forget it, okay?\n- Ross!25What? What? What?25- Hey!\n- Hey! Banana man! Wait..25[instrumental music]25[knocking on door]25Oh, this is so intense.25One side of my butt is totally asleep25and the other side has no idea.25Hi. Did you order some bananas?25- What about it?\n- Give me my monkey back!25I don't have a monkey.25Then what's with all the bananas?25Potassium.25[Marcel chattering]25Marcel? Marcel?25Okay, where is he? Where is he?25Marcel? Marcel?25[all gasp]25Marcel!25- What have you done to him?\n- That's my monkey.25That's Patty. Patty the monkey.25Are you insane?25Come here, Marcel, come on.25Come here, Patty.25Come here, Marcel.25Come here, Patty.25(Luisa) Here, monkey! Here, monkey!25'Here, monkey!'25Gotcha!25- Okay, give me my monkey back!\n- That's my monkey.25You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge..25That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine.25You can send it back whenever.25- Alright, I want my monkey.\n- No!25- Oh, come on, Louisa.\n- Sorry, prom queen.25You had to be a bitch in high school.25You couldn't have been fat?25Alright, look, okay25in high school, I was the prom queen25and I was the homecoming queen and the class president25and you...were also there.25Look, if you take this monkey25I will lose one of the most25important people in my life.25You can hate me if you want25but please do not punish him.25Come on, Louisa, you have a chance25to be the bigger person here.25Take it!25[inhales deeply]25[exhales heavily]25No.25Alright.25Well, then how about I call your supervisor25and I tell her that you shot my friend25in the ass with a dart?25I am telling you years from now25school children will study it25as one of the greatest first dates of all time.25It was unbelievable. We could totally be ourselves.25We didn't have to play any games.25- So have you called her yet?\n- Let her know I like her?25What are you insane?25Oh, guys.25It's the next day.25How needy do I wanna seem?25I'm right, right?25- Oh, yeah.\n- Yeah, let her dangle.25Oh.25I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me25to find one of you people.25God, come on, just do it.25Call her. Stop being so testosterone-y25Which, by the way is the real San Francisco treat25- I got her machine.\n- Her answering machine?25No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.25So, um, why didn't you say anything?25Oh, no, no, no, last time I left a spontaneous message26I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-O."26Look, look, look, it's Rachel and Barry.26No, no, no, don't, don't everybody look at once.26Okay, okay, what's going on?26Okay, they're just talking.26Yeah, well, does he look upset?26Does he look like, he was just told to shove anything?26No. No, actually, he's smiling, and..26Oh, my God! Don't do that!26What? What? What?26That man across the street26just kicked that pigeon.26Oh.26And basically that's how a bill26becomes a law.26- Oh.\n- Right.26- Hey, Rach.\n- Hi, Rach.26How'd it go?26You know, it was uh, actually really great.26Took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room.26And I had that chicken you know, where you poke it26and all the butter squirts out.26Not a good day for bird.26Then we took a walk down to Bendel's.26And I told him not to26but he got me a little bottle of Chanel.█26That's nice.26Was that before or after you told him to stop calling26stop sending you flowers26and to generally leave you alone, hmm?26Right. Well, we never actually got to that.26Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, you know?26It was, it was comfortable, and it was familiar.26- It was just nice.\n- That's-that's nice twice.26Rachel, wh-what's going on?26I mean, isn't this the same Barry26who you left at the alter?26Duh, where've you been?26Yeah, but it was different with him today26I mean, and he wasn't like26Orthodontist guy, you know?26I mean, we had fun.26Is there anything wrong with that?26Yes!26- Why?\n- I have my reasons.26Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged26to another woman who just happens to be26your ex-best friend?26Alright, alright, alright, I know it's stupid.26I'll go see him this afternoon and I'll just put an end to it26Wow!26Wow.26Yeah.26I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that.26No, it wasn't.26It was so nice having this little sink here.26- Can I use your phone?\n- Yeah.26Uh, but for future reference uh, that thing in your hand26can also be used as a phone.26[ringing]26Yes, it's working.26Why isn't she calling me back?26Maybe she never got your message.26You know, if you want26you can call her machine26and if she has a lot of beeps that means26she probably didn't get her messages yet.26You don't think that makes me seem a little..26Desperate, needy, pathetic?26Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.26- How many beeps?\n- She answered.26You see, this is where you'd use that26"Hello" word we talked .26I'm not gonna talk to her.26She obviously got my message26and is choosing not to call me.26Now, I'm needy and snubbed.26God, I miss just being needy.26(all) 'Hey.'26How'd he take it?26Pretty well, actually.26- Uh, Rach?\n- What?26How come you have dental floss in your hair?26- Oh, do I?\n- Uh-huh.26We ended up having sex in his chair.26You had sex in his chair?26I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?26You, you had what?26Sex in his chair.26What, uh, what were you thinking?26I don't know.26I mean, we still care about each other.26There's a history there. It's like you and Carol.26No. No, no.26It's nothing like me and Carol.26Please, if she said to , "Ross, I want you26on this couch. Right here, right now," what would you say?26If it helps, I could slide over.26It's, it's-it's uh, a totally different situation..26It's-it's apples and oranges..27It's-it's orthodontists and lesb-27I got to go.27- Wh-where are you going?\n- I just have to go!27Alright. Do I need a reason, huh?27I mean, I have things to do with my life.27I have a jam-packed schedule27and I am late for keeping up with it, okay?27[phone ringing]27Hello? Hello?27[imitating phone ringing]27Hell is filled with people like you.27He's back. The peeper's back.27- Get down!\n- Get down?27And boogie.27Thanks, but I got to go to work27and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy.27Relax. You know, She may not even know.27Please, I haven't heard from her in seven months27and now she calls me27I mean, what else is it about?27Oh. She was my best friend you guys.27We went to camp together.27- She taught me how to kiss.\n- Yeah?27Now, you know, I'm like the other woman.27Oh, I feel so..27Naughty.27Alright, I'll see you guys later.27Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you.27Now, Rach, when she taught you to kiss27you were at camp and were you wearing27any kind of little uniform or..27That's fine, yeah.27Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.27Will you watch my phone?27Why don't you just take it with you?27Hey, we haven't been on a second date.27She needs to hear me pee?27Why don't you just call her?27I can't call her. I left a message.27- I have some pride.\n- Do you?27No.27Danielle? Hi.27Hi, it's uh, it's Chandler.27I'm fine.27[clears throat]27Uh, listen.27I don't know if you tried to call me27because, uh..idiot that I am27I accidentally shut off my phone.27Oh, okay-okay. That's, that's-that's fine27That's great. Okay.27She's on the other line. She's gonna call me back.27♪ She's on the other line she's gonna call me back♪27♪ She's on the other line gonna call me back ♪27- Don't you have to pee?\n- It's why I'm dancing.27- Hey.\n- Hey.27Hi.27Hi. Uh, yes. This is Monica Geller.27Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you27and I was wondering what they were.27What are you doing?27Alright. Great.27Great. Thanks a lot.27I'm going to tap class.27What-what, so that you can dance27with the woman that stole your credit card?27This woman's got my life. I should get to see who she is.27Go to the post office. I'm sure her picture's up!27Okay. Monica, you know ? You're kinda losing it here..27I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.27This is madness. It's madness, I tell you!27For the love of God, Monica, don't do it!27Thank you.27[instrumental music]27What do you think?27Lots of things.27Which one do you think she is?27- May I help you?\n- Oh, no. Thanks.27We're just here to observe.27You don't observe a dance class.27You dance a dance class.27Spare shoes are over there.27What does she mean?27I think she means "You dance...a dance class"27Come on, come on, come on.27Okay. You see anybody you think could be me?27People, last time there were some empty yogurt containers27lying around after class.27Let's not have that happen again.27She could be you.27Let's get started.27'Five, six'27'a-five, six, seven, eight'27Okay, I'm not getting this!27I'm totally getting it.27Do you ever just feel like sometimes27you are so unbelievably uncoordinated?27What? You just click when they click.27Alright, people. Now everyone grab a partner.27Oh. Um, alright.28And my dead mother said you are it.28- I'm with Rachel.\n- Great..28It's gym class all over again.28- Oh.\n- Oh.28Well, that's alright, you can come up to the front28and dance with me.28Why don't I just take off my clothes28and have a nightmare?28It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here.28I'm so sorry I'm late.28Okay, here I am. So, who's the new tense girl?28She's your partner.28- Hi.\n- Hi.28I'm Monica.28Oh. Monica.28Hi. I'm Mo- ..nana.28- Monana?\n- Yeah.28It's Dutch.28You're kidding. I-I spent three years in Amsterdam.28<i>[Speaking Dutch]</i> <i>Mag ik deze dans van u?</i>28Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.28- Oh.\n- And we're dancing.28A-five, six, seven, eight.28Hi.28- Hey.\n- Hey.28Where have you been?28I just got back from the vet.28She's not gonna make you wear28one of those big plastic cones, is she?28She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase.28Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.28Hey, he beat ya28She says, as time goes on he's gonna start getting28aggressive and violent.28So what does this mean?28I might have to give him up.28[instrumental music]28[instrumental music]28I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!28I mean, I don't get it. I mean, you just got him.28How could he be an adult already?28I know. I know.28I mean, one day he's this little thing28and then before you know it28he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.28Isn't there any way you can keep him?28No. No, the vet said that unless he's in a place28where he has regular access to some..28...monkey lovin'..28...he's just gonna get vicious.28You know, I-I've-I've just gotta get him into a zoo.28How do you get a monkey into a zoo?28I know that one.28No, that's popes into a Volkswagen.28Well, we're applying to a lot of them.28And naturally, our first choice28would be one of the bigger state zoos28you know, like San Diego.28Oh-h, right?28But that may just be a pipe dream28because, you know, he's outta state.28Uh, my, my vet knows someone at Miami28so, so that's a possibility28Yeah, but that's, like, two blocks away from the beach28I mean, it's a total party zoo.28Oh.28(female announcer) 'This is the final boarding call'28'for Flight 67 San Diego'28'boarding at Gate 42A.'28Okay. Goodbye, little monkey guy.28I, I wrote you this poem.28- I'm just..\n- Oh.28Okay, but don't eat it till you get on the plane.28"Thank you, Aunt Phoebe"28Oh.28Okay. Bye, champ.28Now, I know there's gone a lot of babes in San Diego..28but remember, there's also a lot to learn.28Hmm.28I don't know what to say, Ross.28Uh, it's a monkey.28No, just s-say what you feel, Joey.28Marcel, I'm hungry.28That was good.28[clears throat]28Marcel, this is for you.28- Oh.\n- It's, uh..28Just, you know, somethig to, uh...do on the plane.28Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment28just me and him.28- Oh.\n- Sure.28- Go ahead.\n- Absolutely.28- Oh!\n- Oh! Uh..28Marcel, come here, come here.28Come here.28Well, buddy..28...this is it.28There's just a couple of things I wanted to say.28I'm really gonna miss you.28I'm never gonna forget about you.29You've been more than just a pet to me.29You've, you've been more like a be.. Okay.29Marcel, would you..29Marcel, would you.. Ple, would you leave my leg alone?29Would you just stop humping me for two seconds?29Marcel, would you, okay, would you..29Just take him away, Just take him.29Ooh, oh, give me.29Can you see me operating a drill press?29I don't know. What are you wearing?29Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill?29Just for some short term work.29You know, till I get back some of my massage clients.29Pirates again?29No, nothing like that.29I'm just...such a dummy.29I taught this "Massage yourself at home" workshop.29And they are.29Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you.29Thanks, Joey. That's a good idea.29Well.. I could. I could! What is it?29Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks.29She's having one of her boobs reduced.29It's a whole big boob story.29I could be a secretary.29Well you know, Pheebs, I don't know29if it's your kind of thing because, uh..29...it involves a lot of being normal.29For a large portion of the day.29I could do that.29- What're you playing with?\n- Oh, it's my new beeper.29What the hell does a paleontologist29need a beeper for?29Is it like for dinosaur emergencies?29"Help! Come quick. They're still extinct!"29No. It's for when Carol goes into labor.29She can get me wherever I am.29All she has to do is dial, uh, 55 Jimbo.29A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid!29Alright. See you guys later.29Off to see young Ethan?29Thank you.29How young is young Ethan? Young?29He's our age.29When we were..29Okay. He's a senior in college.29- College?\n- Whoa!29And this man-child has no problem29with how old you are?29No. Of course not. It's not even an issue.29'Cause I told him I was 22.29- What?\n- What?29- Oh, I can't pass for 22?\n-Well, maybe 25, 26.29- I am 26.\n- There you go.29[telephone ringing]29[telephone ringing]29Can you hear that?29Yeah.29[telephone ringing]29You see, that'll stop when you pick up the phone.29Oh!29- Ooh! I'm on.\n- Okay.29Mr. Bing's office.29No, I'm sorry. He's in a meeting right now.29I'm not in a meeting. I'm right-who..?29Will he know what this is in reference to?29And he has your number?29Alright. I'll see that he gets the message.29Bye-bye.29- What?\n- Ross says hi.29Ah.29This is so fun. Alright. What do we do now?29Well, now I actually have to get to work.29Most likely.29[laughs]29- Okay, I'm gonna be out there.\n- Okay.29- Alright. Bye bye.\n- Bye bye.29[intercom buzzing]29- Yes.\n- 'Whatcha doin'?' 29Oh.29- Hey.\n- Hey.29- How was the first day?\n- Hey.29Oh! Excellent.29Everyone was so, so nice!29See it pays to know then who wears my shoes.29- Me.\n- Oh.29No, I didn't tell anyboy that I knew you.29Why not?29Oh, because you know..29...they don't like you.29What?29I thought you knew that.29Nuh uh..29Who doesn't like me?29Everyone.29Except for um... no, everyone.29What are you talking about?29Don't feel bad. You know, they used to like you a alot.29But, then you got promoted, and you know29now you're all like Mr. Boss man.30You know, Mr. Bing. Mr.. Boss man Bing.30I can't believe it.30Yeah, yeah. They even do you.30They "do" me?30You know like, um, okay, um30"Could that report be any later."30[laughing]30I don't sound like that.30- Oh. Oh, Chandler.\n- Yeah, you do.30"The hills are alive with the sound..30...of music."30<i>"My scone!"</i>30<i>Both: "My scone!"</i>30Okay. I don't sound like. That is so not true.30[laughing]30That is so not ...that is so not...that..30Oh, shut up!30And I think last night was great, you know30the karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory?30- Mm-hm.\n- Huh?30You were great!30But they still made fun of you.30- What?\n- You know.30Now you're more like, you know, Mr. Caring boss.30Mister...you know, "I'm one of you" boss.30Mr. I-Want-To-Be-Your-Buddy Boss-Man Bing.30Then I don't get it.30Well, you know what, Chandler30I think you just gotta face it.30You're like the guy in the big office.30You know? You're the one that hires them and fires them30They still say you're a great boss.30- They do?\n- Uh-huh.30But they're not your friends anymore30[sighs] But I just want--30No but you can't.30- But I just want--\n- Nuh-uh.30Monica, let's go. Come on now people! Woman in labor!30Hey Ross. Look what I got going here.30Yeah. Save it for the cab. Okay?30What are you doing? What are you doing?30We're going to a hospital30What, so I can't look nice?30There might be doctors there.30- Joey, get out of the fridge.\n- 'Alright! Alright.'30- What is that?\n- For the ride.30- Oh, yeah. Like in a c-\n- Save it!30- Okay. Hating this.\n- Monica, come on now! Let's go!30- Baby coming, god!\n- I can't believe it.30- I'm gonna be an aunt!30- I'm going to have a nephew!\n- Yeah...that's nice. Get out!30Well, let's go. Come on. That's it.30(Joey) 'Alright, alright. I'm going. I'm going.'30- Here we go. Here we go.\n- Rossy. Rossy. Come on.30[instrumental music]30(woman on PA) 'Johnson, we have a call on line seven.'30She's not here yet. She's not here.30She's having my baby and she's not here.30I'm sure everything's fine. H-has her water broken yet?30I don't know, but when I spoke to her30she said she had already passed the mucus plug.30[gagging]30Do we have to know about that?30Joey, what are you gonno when you have a baby?30I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handin' out cigars.30Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby30in a movie from the '50s.30God! I don't believe this.30I mean, she could be giving birth in the cab.30Oh, Ross, relax, it's probably only like two dollars30for the first contraction and then 50 cents30each additional contraction..30What, it's okay when Chandler does it?30You have to pick your moments30Hi. Did I miss it? Did I miss it?30- No, she's not even here yet.\n- Oh!30What's with the guitar?30Well, I just thought we might be here for a while30so, you know, things might get musical.30- Oh!\n- Oh!30Hey! Where the hell have you been?30Oh, we stopped at the gift shop.30The gift.. Wow! Wow! Wha..30I was looking at stuffed animals30and Susan wanted a Chunky.30Oh, Susan wanted a Chun.30You're havin' a baby, okay? A baby.30You don't stop for Chunky's!30I used to have that bumper sticker.30[chuckles]30You see what I mean?30[guitar music]30♪ They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch ♪30♪ But soon they'll grow up and resent you so much ♪30♪ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why ♪30♪ And you cry and you cry and you cry ♪30♪ And you cry and you cry and you.. ♪30- Thanks, Ross.\n- Yeah. I'm paying you to stop!30- Okay?\n- Okay.30(Monica) 'Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute'31Ugh. No fair! I don't even have one.31How come they get two?31- You'll get one.\n- Oh, yeah? When?31(Chandler) 'Alright, I'll tell you what'31When we're 40, if neither of us are married31what do you say you and I get together and have one?31Why won't I be married when I'm 40?31Oh, no, no. No. I-I just meant hypothetically.31Okay, hypothetically..31why won't I be married when I'm 40?31- No. No, no.\n- No, no, what is it? Seriously31Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?31- Uh-uh, uh--\n- Well?31Dear God! This-this parachute is a knapsack.31- Hey.\n- Hey.31Ooh! Look at you, dressy dress31- Huh.\n- Did you go home and change?31Uh, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice.31Um, has, uh, Dr. Franzblau been by?31- No, I haven't seen hi.\n- Well, where is he?31He is supposed to be here.31What if the baby needs him?31Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors anyway?31Is, like, your-your father a doctor?31Yeah, why?31No reason.31Oh, please, this is so your fault.31How? How is this my fault?31Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.31Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did31before I came along.31You're trying to be clever? Are you funny funny lad?31You know what your problem is?31You are so threatened by me!31- Oh, I'm threat, I'm threatene?\n- Everything I say is a problem-\n- Hey. Hey. Hey!31- Yes.\n- Okay. Alright.31That's it! Get in here, come on!31My God, you guys!31I don't believe you.31There are children coming into the world31in this very building and your negative fighting noises31are not the first thing they should be hearing.31So just stop allthe yelling! Just stop i!t31Yeah, Susan.31Don't make me do this again! I don't like my voice like this!31Okay, who wants to hear something ironic?31(together) Help!31- I'm..\n- Help!31I'm havin' a baby in here!31Hello!31- Help!\n- Okay, everyone stand back..31- Ow.\n- 'Oh!'31- Are they here yet?\n- No, honey, they're not31But don't worry, we're gonna find them.31And until we do, we are all here for you, okay?31- Okay. Okay.\n- Okay.31Okay, so anyway, you wee telling me about Paris.31- It sounds wonderful!\n- Oh. Tell you what.31There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel31- Ah! Ah!\n- There you go, dear.31What are you gonna do? Suck the door open?31Help! Help!31- Help!\n- He..31♪ They found their bodies the very next day ♪31♪ And they found their bodies the very next day♪31♪ La la la 31-Uh, help!\n-Help!31Look, mom, everything's going fine, really.31Yeah, Ross is great, he.31...he's in a whole other place!31No, he's gone. No..31No, no, you-you don't have to fly back, really.31What do you mean this might be your only chance?31Oh. Would you stop? I'm only 26.31I'm-I'm not even thinking about babies yet.31[baby cooing]31[imitates static]31- Where have you been?\n- Oh, I just had a baby.31<i>Mazel tov!</i>31[instrumental music]31Hi, I'm Ben.31[chuckles]31I'm hospital worker Ben.31It's Ben to the rescue.31- Ta-da-da!\n- Okay, okay, okay.31- Ben, you ready?\n- Yeah.31- Alright, give me your.\n- Okay.31Okay, on three, Ben. One, uh, two, three!31- Uh!\n- Ooh.31Come on, Ben. Okay, that's it, Ben.31- 'Okay. Uh-huh.'\n- Okay.31(Susan) 'Uh, what do you see?'31(Phoebe) Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent.31'Wait.'31(Phoebe) Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.31[groaning]31- Oh!\n- Ah, Pheebs, it's open.31It's open!31Wait! You forgot your legs!31(in unison) Push! Push!32- We're here. Hey!\n- Daddy's here.32- We're here.\n- Where have you been?32Long story, honey.32Alright, Carol, I need you to keep pushing.32I need, uh, I-I need.. Excuse me, can I have this?32Oh, I'm sorry.32Alright, alright, therew too many people in this room.32There's about to be one more, so anybody who's not32an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!32- Alright, alright.\n- Okay, bye, bye, bye.32Good luck, you guys. Good luck!32Let me ask you, do you o be Carol's lesbian life partner?32Out!32- Hey.\n- Hey.32How long did you think this barbecue was going to last?32I'm going to China.32Geez, you say one thing and..32- You're going to China?\n- Yeah, it-it's for the museum.32Uh, someone found a bone, and we want the bone32but they don't want us to have the bone.32So I'm going to try ande them to give us the bonw.32It's a, it's a whole big bone thing.32Anyway, I'm going to be gone for like, uh, like, a week.32So, uh, if you want to reach me, you-you can't.32So, here's my itinerary.32- Um...here's a picture of me.\n- Oh, let me see.32Could you take it to Carol's every now and then32and show it to Ben just so he doesn't forget me?32- Yeah.\n- Hi, Ben. I'm your father.32I am the head! Ha!32Alright, this barbecue's going to be very fun.32Hey, is Rachel here?32Um, I wanted to wish her32a happy birthday before I, I left.32Oh, no. She's out having drinks with Carl.32Oh.32Hey, who's Carl?32You know, that guy she met at the coffee house.32- No.\n- Oh.32Well, see, there's thisy that she met--32At the coffee house? Right.32So you do know who he is.32Okay, I'm going to go say good-bye to the guys.32Okay, hey, you know wha, tell them that bone story.32- Hi.\n- Hey.32- I have to go to China.\n- The country?32No, no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront.32Do you guys know who Carl is?32Uh, let's see, Alvin, Simon, Theodore..32No.32Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.32Oh, no, how can she do that32when she's never shown any interest in you!32- Forget about her.\n- He's right, man. Please.32Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.32Of course, there they just call it "food"32Yeah, I guess. I don't, I don't know.32Alright, just, just give her this for me, okay?32Listen, buddy, we, we're just looking out for you.32- I know.\n- We want you to be happy.32And I may have only have a couple of beers in me32but, I love you, man.32I'm still on my first, I...32...I just think you're nice..32Okay, I'm...guessing this is from..32Well, thank you, Melani.32Okay, this one right here is from me.32Okay. Hmm, ah, it's light.32It rattles.32It's..32...Travel Scrabble.32Wow. Thank you.32This one's from Joey. Feels like a book.32I think it's a book. Feels like a book.32- And it's a book!\n- Oh, It's Dr. Seuss!32That book got me through some tough times32There is a little child inside this man.32Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.32- Who's this from?\n- Oh, that's, uh, Ross's.32Oh!32[clearing throat]32Oh, my God.32- He remembered.\n- Remembered what?32It was like, months ago, we were walking by this antique store32and I saw this pin in the window.32And I told him that it was just like one32my grandmother had when I was a little girl.32Oh! I can't believe he remembered.32Well, sure. But can you play it on a plane?32Oh, it's so pretty.32This must have cost him a fortune.32- I can't believe he did this.\n- Come on, Ross?32Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol32and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?32What did you just say?32[clearing throat]32Crystal duck.32No. No. No.32The, um, the love part?32[stuttering]33Oh, my God!33Oh, no, no, no.33That's good. Just keep rubbing your head.33That'll turn back time.33This is unbelievable. I mean, this is unbelievable..33I know. This is really, really huge33No, it's not. It's small. It's tiny.33It's petite. It's wee.█33Uh-uh, I don't think any of our lives33are ever going to be the same, ever again33Okay, is there a mute button on this woman?33I think this is so great. I mean, you and Ross!33- Did you have any idea?\n- No. None.33I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned33something about asking me out but nothing ever happen.33So I just, wh-what else did he say?33I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?33Well, given that he is desperately in love with you33he probably wouldn't mind getting33a cup of coffee or something.33Ross?33All this time?33- Well, I've got to talk to him.\n- Yeah, he's in China!33- The country.\n- No, no, wait.33His flight doesn't leave for another 45 more minutes.33What about the time difference?33- From here to the airport?\n- Yes!33- You're never gonna make it!\n- Well, I've got to try.33Rachel, what are you going to say to him?33I don't know.33Well, then maybe you shouldn't go.33He's right, 'cause if you just gonna like33break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.33Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now.33I don't know, maybe I'll know when I see him..33- Here, look.\n- Alright. Does this help?33No. Look, all I know is that I cannot33wait a week until I see him.33I mean, this is just too big.33You know, I just, I've just got to talk to him.33I, I've got to, okay, I'll see you late.33Rachel, I love you!33Deal with me first!