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[Music].welcome to season 2 episode 40 of the.Jordan B Peterson podcast I'm Michaela.Peterson dad's daughter and collaborator.today's episode is a 12 rules for life.lecture recorded in San Diego on January.25th 2019 named beyond order another 12.rules for life this podcast gives you.rules that have not been discussed.before update this week we're.celebrating the holidays at home my.grandparents came down from northern.Alberta and are staying with mom and dad.which is really nice we're taking a.break from the podcast next week by the.way so I'll tell you Merry Christmas and.Happy Holidays now I know Christmas can.be an incredibly stressful time of year.so I hope people are holding it together.or perhaps even enjoying the holidays.I'm really excited to mention I've.started a group for people who want help.starting the lion diet the diet dad and.I are on or just optimizing health I've.been working with about 40 people in the.group so far and most people have seen.great improvements and health problems.they've been trying to overcome some of.their intro videos have literally made.me cry it's amazing how much suffering.is out there and what people are able to.get through I know for me when I was.trying to climb my way out of having a.mood in autoimmune disorder it was.incredibly scary and isolating not to.mention I got a lot of Hell about trying.to change my diet and actually get.better from friends family and the media.I made this group as a place for people.to go to have kind of an external family.to grow with and talk to and complain at.about their health struggles plus people.get early access to a course I'm.producing and twice-yearly meetups it's.been a fun project although a bit.emotional and I officially relaunched.last Friday you can check it out at lion.diet club comm I have memberships off at.15% off until New Year's if you guys.haven't checked out dad's very first.eCourse discovering personality with.Jordan B Peterson it was released.Wednesday and is available now for a.hundred and forty dollars for over five.hours of university level lecture.material on personality in the big five.check it out at Jordan B Peterson comm /.personality enjoy the podcast.beyond order another 12 rules for life a.Jordan P Peterson lecture well thank you.much appreciate it.so it's very nice to be here in San.Diego you it's a lovely City.I had a very nice time working on.Coronado Beach is that right today.that's that was that was very good it's.a lot better than 25 below which is what.it is in Toronto right now so uh yeah.you know what they say Canada is the.world's largest uninhabitable country.and coming down here sure makes it seem.that way so as Dave said this is the.last American show of the twelve rules.for life - er I think by all appearances.and so it's been quite the trip it's.about 115 cities about 250,000 people.usually in venues of approximately this.size sometimes in Europe a little bit.smaller some of them were bigger the the.biggest auditorium the biggest stadium I.guess was with Sam Harris and and that.was in Dublin we had about 8,500 people.to that so that was quite unfathomable I.would say and yeah very difficult to.believe that people would the people.were so interested in what ended up.being him approximately 1/8 our.discussion on the relationship between.facts and value you so you know the.relationship between religion and.science it's really something to see.that there's a massive public hunger.let's say or massive public audience for.complicated discourse you know who would.have guessed that that was the case but.it's it's really been something to see.so I thought I do two things tonight I.thought I would walk through 12 rules.for life and and sort of it would give.me a chance to sort of sum up what I.think about each of the chapters and.what I've come to what I've come to.think about them across time as I've.continued to talk about them but I also.thought I might tell you about the next.book that I'm writing which I'm well.into now I haven't really talked about.it publicly at all yet so I thought I'd.let you in on it it's called beyond.order another 12 rules for life.I had derived the first twelve from a.list of rules that I'd put on Quora.which is a site where anyone can post.questions and anyone can post answers.there originally there were 42 rules I.wrote them all very rapidly and did 40.the fact that there were 42 was well.that's just how it worked out wasn't.planned that way exactly and that series.of rules became very popular on Quora.which was part of the impetus for the.for the book for 12 rules for life and I.thought I would write about all 42 to.begin with but as I started to write the.the essays became longer than I thought.they would be and so I took 12 of them.and crafted them into a book that I felt.had standalone chapters but that also.integrated itself into something that.was also a book so I'm doing the same.thing with the next 12 and I thought.maybe I'd start by telling you what.those those next 12 rules are you might.be interested in that yeah so okay.that'd be good.yeah and I've sketched out the whole.book and I've really I've really written.thoroughly written six rules and edited.them the editing is quite painstaking I.should tell you a little bit about that.you know some of you might be interested.in the technique of writing those of you.that are interested in writing might.find it useful the discussion of the.technique and those of you who aren't.necessarily interested in writing might.still be interested in how that.comes about so the first thing I do and.I think this is a good way of.approaching something that you're.writing it's a very good way of.approaching anything that you're.thinking about is I write out what I'm.thinking about without a lot of self.editing you know one of the things I've.noticed when undergraduates write essays.which they can't do by the way if.writings writing is quite hard and.people don't really learn it and and.it's not easy to teach and and so I have.taught a lot of undergraduates how to.write and you can actually teach people.to write quite quickly but you have to.know how to do it and most of the people.who teach kids how to write don't know.how to write and so they can't teach it.or they don't know how to teach it but.it doesn't matter really which of those.it is I have a on my website at Jordan B.Peterson comm you can download a.guideline for writing that I used for my.students and it's very very practical.document if you have to write many of.you do have to write because generally.you know you have to produce documents.at work or you have to produce arguments.of one form or another or so it turns.out that it's very important to write.and so the first step is to have a.problem that you're trying to address.it's useful and interesting it has to be.something that grips you because.otherwise why would you bother writing.about it has to be something important.has to be a problem that you're really.trying to solve and I would say you.generally want to write about something.that you that you you don't know the.answer to you know because one of the.things you want to do when you're.writing is you want to take the reader.on the journey of deriving the.conclusion rather than just presenting.it sort of as a fait accompli if the.writing is exciting and this is the same.if you're delivering a talk if the.writing is exciting then there's a.journey of discovery that characterizes.it you know and and genuine literature.is really like that you see that this is.one of the reasons I really love.Dostoyevsky for example is that it's.it's.obvious if you read the Dostoevsky novel.that he didn't know where he was going.from the beginning right it unfolded the.characters had their life and and their.ideas unfolded as he wrote about them.and he was discovering something he.didn't understand along the way.that's sort of what distinguishes great.literature from propaganda if you're a.propagandist you know exactly what.you're trying to accomplish right off.the bat and you craft all your.characters to make sure that the message.that you already know is the one that's.delivered you see that propaganda.literary propaganda you see that in.visual propaganda at all as well but if.you're if you're genuinely creative that.isn't what you do is you have a problem.whatever the problem might be and then.you try to explore it and you you you.attempt that's what essay means you.attempt to formulate the problem more.clearly you try to formulate the answer.so the first thing you do is you have.your problem and then you you you do.your background research your reading so.that you have some knowledge about the.domain at least or you do some thinking.and then you write and you write without.too much self-criticism you know if.you're if you're not a good writer or if.you don't know what you're doing what.you try to do is you try to write each.sentence so that the sentence is perfect.when you write it so if you don't have.to add it and that won't work because.you're not capable of doing that there.is no bloody way in the world that you.can come up with a sentence that that is.high quality and content and properly.formulated in an elegant manner all at.once that's not happening no one can do.that so you know if you're making a.movie you you produce way more footage.than you're ever going to use in the.movie then and that's actually quite.convenient because then you have an.excess of material and you can choose.the best from it and that's what you.want to do when you write so you're.right to begin with you just write down.everything you think and if you get.stuck you're right I'm stuck here and.you just keep going you know seriously.you don't want to stop and you don't.want to criticize yourself you don't.want to worry about how the sentences.are formulated in all of that and then.you have a bad first draft which is a.wonderful thing to have because it's way.better to have a terrible first draft.than to have nothing at all.and then you can edit it and you have to.assume that what you're going to do when.you edit is throw away like 80% of it.and if you know that to begin with when.you're writing then it loosens you up.because who cares if what you're writing.is perfect if you're going to throw 80%.of it away right so you can afford to.take some risks and to write down some.things in to fit that that you're not.gonna keep that you might not even think.are reasonable because you're exploring.and you know you you can take chances.because you're gonna throw 80% of it.away anyways and then it turns out that.if you're willing to throw 80% of the.80% of it away it's sort of analogous to.be willing to throw 80% of yourself away.as you learn through life I would say.then it's much much easier to produce.it's it's actually the case that.neurologically you have the systems that.produce language and the systems that.edit are different and one of one of the.ways that manifests itself it's quite.interesting sometimes people who have.temper.what's the depth what's the dementia I.don't remember the kind its temporal its.frontal temporal dementia sometimes it's.a variant of Alzheimer's but sometimes.people with frontal temporal dementia.get more creative as their dementia.progresses right it doesn't make any.sense at all you think well as your.brain deteriorates you get more creative.how can that possibly be the case and.the answer is that the editor the part.of the brain that does the editing the.inhibition just deteriorates first and.leaves the part that can do the creation.outside of that critical realm and so.people can experience bursts of.creativity that they never had before in.their life you know it's still a.degenerating game across time but it's.fascinating that that can be the case.and so one of the things you really want.to know if you're trying to think.something through something important is.don't edit well you're producing it's a.bad idea it's and it's greedy in some.sense because what it means is that.you're trying to do like just creating.is really hard and just editing is.really hard but to do both of them at.the same time it's like that's just.impossible there's just no way you can.do that and so anyway so on.all the ideas and I'm assuming I'm going.to throw away oh god at least 80% of it.might be 90% because like with my first.book maps of meaning I think I rewrote.every sentence at least 50 times and I'm.done that's a literal literally the.truth and so it wasn't quite that.intense with 12 rules but it was it.would have been a dozen times at least.or maybe maybe more than that and.multiple people also editing and.commenting to make sure that you know.that everything was set out properly so.then the way I manage it technically is.I have a I usually use a split screen so.I have two screens and I have the you.know the rough draft on the left-hand.side then I'll cut a piece of it out you.know two or three pages long that makes.a sake section usually add a section.title so that I can pull out a piece.that I can kind of grasp intellectually.because it's hard to edit a whole thirty.page document because he can't keep the.whole thing in your head so you have to.kind of chunk it down to something that.you could manage then I'll throw it in.the on the right-hand monitor and then.start organizing it go through it.sentence by sentence and paragraph by.paragraph and think if you're editing.properly I'm telling you this because.this is actually how you think if you.really want to think something through.this is how to do it so then you have to.add it and see what's the what's the.what's the conceptual framework for.editing well the words that you use.should be the right words so you want to.attend to every word and make sure that.each word is the exact is exactly the.right word for that position in the.sentence and then you want to make sure.that your words fit together properly in.in phrases proper phrases and that the.phrases are strung together properly.within each sentence and then you want.to make sure that each sentence has its.proper place in the paragraph and then.you want to make sure that each.paragraph is sequenced appropriately.within the context of all the other.paragraphs and then finally you want to.make sure that the collection of.paragraphs that makes up the section or.perhaps the chapter has a.tells a coherent story and so you can.fail or succeed at every single one of.those levels of analysis one of the.things that's really painful about.reading or grading badly written.undergraduate essays is that they fail.at every single level so it's it's just.unbelievably painful it's like no those.are the wrong words and that's.frequently the case people will use.words that they don't really understand.that are - they're they're usually large.and rare words and then they don't.really understand them they couldn't use.them in in day-to-day discourse so they.don't understand the connotations they.sort of got the technical meaning.approximately right but it's very.awkwardly placed within the sentence you.know it's like a speed bump listen and.so that's a bad idea you know because if.you use a word you don't understand very.well and you're writing for someone.who's dimmer than you that might work.but if you're writing for someone who.actually understands that word they just.think that well they think the obvious.which is that you're trying to look more.intelligent than you are and you're not.noticing that it's not working and so so.you know you you you you have to get the.word right and you have to get the.phrase right and you have to get the.sentence right and you have to sequence.the sentence properly and you have to.sequence the paragraphs properly and.then the whole thing has to cohere and.and as I said a bad essay can be wrong.at every single one of those levels of.analysis so that the word choice is bad.the phrasing is awkward the sentences.aren't sentences they're not strung.together in a coherent paragraph because.a paragraph should be a coherent unit of.meaning there they just there just.happens to be a paragraph break every 10.lines randomly and then there are ideas.on page one that's completely contradict.ideas on page three right and so trying.to grade that is impossible - trying to.edit it is it's easier just to burn it.and rewrite it.then so so anyway so you know I pulled.the material onto the onto the other.page and then I start with a preliminary.reorganization and just try to make a.better draft and then put that back and.then I pull out one paragraph at a time.or pull out a paragraph break it up into.the sentences so you put the sentence.out you put a couple of spaces between.it the next sentence so you you unpack.the paragraph and then you can rewrite.each sentence and I mean that literally.it seemed like you have a sentence so.then you rewrite it and then you rewrite.it again and you rewrite it again now.you have four of the same sentences and.now you can figure out which of those.sentence is better and you get rid of.the three that are worse and so now the.first sentence is improved and then you.do the same thing for all the other.sentences and then you see okay well are.those sentences in the right order and.you reorder them until you get them in.the right order maybe you throw a few.away and now I often keep the things I.throw away I have a little what will you.call it document called cowls and I just.throw things in there and sometimes I.find a place for them somewhere else but.then no the sentences are written much.more elegantly and they're in the right.order and then I look at the paragraph.and that's rewritten and then I look at.the old paragraph and if the new.paragraph is better than the old.paragraph then I replace it and then I.go and do the same thing with the next.paragraph and then maybe I do that like.ten times and then I can tell when I'm.done because when I'm done it's not that.it's finished because it's something.like that's never finished in some sense.but I know when I'm done editing because.I'll write it and I'll do that you know.I'll take a paragraph take it apart and.make a new paragraph and then I can't.tell which paragraph is better and so.once I've got to the point where I can't.make the paragraph any better that's it.I'm finished I can't make it any you.know that doesn't mean it's good it just.means that I can't make it any better.right and and it actually gets dangerous.near the end because if you're let's say.you're feeling pretty bright one day and.you're kind of alert and clear hit and.you and you improve a paragraph and you.have a better paragraph maybe the next.day you're kind of muddle head.stupid and so you take a paragraph and.you edit it this is near the end of the.editing process and you make a worse.paragraph but you're too dim to notice.and then you replace the perfectly good.paragraph with the worst one then you've.gone too far and so a good editor can.help with that and then you know during.the process if you're fortunate you have.an editor who's who you're submitting.the work to who then tells you you know.where things don't flow and where you're.being arrogant or egotistical or unclear.or you've got your facts wrong or the.sentences don't flow and then if you.have any sense you listen to the editor.because the editor at least in principle.reflects the audience and so if an.editor makes a comment on something I've.written and I was kind of happy about it.I'll usually rewrite it until I get.something that deals with what the.editor said that I like just as well as.what I had written to begin with and.then I'll substitute it and then that.also keeps the editor happy because you.know you don't want to ignore your.editor because they're working hard.trying to make the thing better and so.what good is it to ignore it it's useful.to be criticized and I've had some very.good editors so anyways that's basically.how that works and so that's that's.those are useful things to know.technically you know it's you think well.you can make a bad first draft if any of.you have to write complex documents.that's a perfect way to approach is like.write a really bad draft as fast as you.can then you've got something and then.you can do the editing the other thing I.do too is I read all the sentences aloud.because if a sentence that helps with.the poetic element of it if a sentence.is crafted optimally not only does it.say what you want it to say but when you.read it it has a rhythm and that.actually turned out to be very helpful.even maps of meaning was like that.because I although it's a much more.difficult book that was my first book.and has some you know five or six line.sentences in it and but they have a.rhythm and so when I did the audiobook.it was much easier than it would have.otherwise been because there was a.rhythm in the sentences and it was much.easier to read aloud and and so that's.nice and if you read a book that that.that has been written that.been read aloud by the author then it.sort of sings and it makes it much.easier to read and and then you can also.play with the music of the sentence as.the words in the sentences and and.that's that's a lovely thing too and you.know it's it's a wonderful thing to be.able to concentrate on on something like.that because it it really cleans up your.thinking this is one of the things that.that I've strived to talk to my.undergraduate students about my graduate.students as well is like well why would.you bother writing an essay why bother.well because you need the grade it's.like well why would you prepare a.documents like well you know it's a.requirement for work it's like no that's.not the reason the reason is is you pick.something that's worth thinking about.and then you think about it because then.you've thought about it and it's useful.to have thought about things you know.assuming that assuming that we think so.that we don't do foolish things in our.lives the better you get at thinking the.the clearer apprehension you have about.the nature of the world in your place in.it and to pay attention to each word in.each phrase in each sentence when you're.dealing with a complicated problem if it.pays off massively you know it and it.clears you up there's good evidence for.that you know if you have people write.about their past then they tend to shed.the baggage that they're carrying if you.have them write about their futures.they're much more likely to put those.plans into into action and be successful.and so I mean it shouldn't be that.surprising if you think about it because.it shouldn't surprise you that thinking.is useful but it might surprise you even.though people don't do it that often.because it's difficult but it is.somewhat of a surprise to think of.writing as as what would you call it.technically sophisticated thinking the.huge advantage to writing and it's a.massive advant advantage with a word.processor because editing is cheap with.the word processor right I mean 40 years.ago when you when you were writing by.hand or typing if you made a mistake in.a sentence you had to retype the whole.damn page you know it was really.annoying.now if you write a bad sentence you can.rewrite it ten times and it's the cost.of that is virtually zero and so what it.means is you can contend.Yuli edit and improve what you think and.you can make that more elegant and more.powerful and that's and for that has.unbelievable practical utility you know.if as you progress through life one of.the things you realize especially if.you're dealing with people in relatively.sophisticated situations but it doesn't.really matter is that those who.formulate the best arguments win they.win everything right they they negotiate.more effectively at work people are more.likely to to listen to and abide by the.plans that they formulate they formulate.better plans they can negotiate better.with their spouse and their children.because they're articulate and it's it's.such a funny thing because it's so.seldom ly the case you know what's the.utility of a liberal arts degree well.right now in a damn little I would say.but but previously the whole idea was.well it would teach you to communicate.it would teach you to write well why is.that useful well because if you could.communicate effectively then you always.do better at everything you know and it.doesn't matter what endeavor you're.you're pursuing you know if you're a.housing contractor and you have to.negotiate with your clients if you can.formulate your plans and your arguments.in an articulate way you're way ahead of.the game and it it sharpens you up in.such a remarkable way so anyways it's.one of the wonderful things about being.able to write is that it does give you.that chance to really sit and think.things through and so it's it's.something I would highly recommend it's.a hard thing to do but you can do a.little bit of it every day that's.another thing if you're ever interested.in writing here's something else that's.practical I learned this partly from.Hemingway because Hemingway wrote a.little bit about writing and he was very.good at it he did a lot of throwing away.you know one of one of his rules was if.you took a sentence and you're trying to.fix it if one of the first things you do.is throw it all every word you can.possibly get rid of in that sentence and.still have the sentence makes sense and.one of the things that I often tell my.undergraduates when they're trying to.fix their writing is go through and.shorten every sentence by 25% and then.do the same thing with the essay throw.away 15% of it shorten the sentences.shorten is.it'll improve it by a factor of two and.then they try that and their writing.quality goes way up so that's a nice.thing to know what Hemingway also said.if you want to write.you should write a little bit every day.and there was some evidence of that I.read a book when I was a first.university professor called the new.faculty member and it was an empirical.study of why faculty members failed and.most of them do on most people in most.positions fail I think the evidence is.something like 50% of middle managers.add negative net value to their.companies it's something like that yeah.well you know people operate and failure.mode frequently and one of the mistakes.that faculty members made they made -.one was if they were teaching and they.were doing badly at it they prepared.more and that made their lectures worse.and and the second was that if they.weren't writing then they would wait.until they had large blocks of time.where they could concentrate on writing.because people often think well I have a.novel I'd like to write one day I'll.have enough time and I'll sit down and.do it's like that will never happen you.that will never ever happen you will.never have enough time to write your.novel because your time isn't your own.your time is distributed among other.people and if you want it if you want to.take - some time for something that you.want to do that's personal like that and.that's private you have to steal that.time away and everyone's gonna object to.it and so you can't steal that much you.have to steal it's in a sort of a sneaky.way if to sneak off and and and have.your own time and so maybe you could.write half an hour a day or maybe you.could write 15 minutes a day or maybe.you could write 45 minutes a day I I.spent some time in my life writing three.hours a day but I had to like I had to.viciously discipline my family before I.could ever get to that point you know.and in something like a junkyard dog so.defending my time but but this is.something that's really important to.know like if you want to write then you.take a little time every day and do it.and you know if you write a page a day.that's 400 pages.year right that's a whole novel in a.year so so you can get a tremendous.distance doing a little bit every day.that's a that's a good thing to know.about whatever it is that you want to.pull into your life you can steal a.little bit of time every day but if you.wait until the luxury of having well a.week to write or a month to write or.even a weekend to write on a regular.basis like that's never gonna happen.your your your time is valuable and.other people will use it up on also.important but short-term things so so.anyways that's that's a bit of a.discussion of the technical process so.I'm back into that right now writing.this next book and the idea is this the.first book was an antidote to chaos and.it was an attempt to explain that well.we need a certain amount of order what.we need more than order even though is a.balance between order and chaos and so.I'm trying to I'm trying to represent.that in the juxtaposition of the two.books the first one will be was.published as a white cover and this one.will be published with a black cover so.that'll be a nice juxtaposition and I.hope at some point that they'll be.available as a two volume set and one is.a bit of a disposition on the dangers of.chaos and the other a disposition on the.dangers of order and so and then and the.necessity for balancing them so here's.here's some of the new rules so the.first one is do not carelessly denigrate.social institutions or creative.achievement I like I like that one.because you're more prone to carelessly.denigrate social institutions if you're.liberal on the left side of the spectrum.let's say because you're interested in.lateral thinking and spontaneity and and.novelty and leery of what would you say.structures that constrain and then if.you're more on the center or the right.you're more likely to denigrate creative.achievement because well the creative.types you know they're always.moving laterally and breaking things.apart and I mean I mean the genuinely.creative types you know the ones who.were on the avant-garde and and they're.a bit of a threat to social institutions.but the truth of the matter is that you.need both there's a there's this old.there's this line in Ellis in Wonderland.when Ellis goes down the rabbit hole.underneath the structure of things and.she meets the Red Queen down there Red.Queen is basically mother nature and.she's red because mother nature is red.in blood you know and that's why the Red.Queen is always running around yelling.off with their heads you know she's.she's the queen of mayhem and murder and.one of the things she says is that in my.kingdom you have to run as fast as you.can just to stay in the same place and.that's really set that's the fundamental.flaw of rigid conservatism is that you.cannot stay in the same place because.everything around you shifts and so.you're forced to update and so even if.you're a conservative person you can't.denigrate creative achievement because a.certain amount of it is necessary just.to keep things stable and if you're.conservative you're interested in.stability you think well I I wish things.could stay the same it's like nope not.gonna happen you know I mean you don't.even stay the same right you sit there.and you think I'm just gonna stay the.same and and you don't you get old and.and it's right right I mean it it just.happens and because of that you have to.you have to update and it's the creative.types that do the updating now you know.that can get out of hand and things can.you know you can get so many people.creative people destabilizing this the.current situation so that nothing is.reliable and that that that untrammeled.creativity can be a destructive force.that's its danger but it's necessary to.respect cultural institutions and also.to respect the process that updates them.and so that's what that chapters about.and so imagine who you could be and then.aim single-mindedly at that see I like.that one.the single-mindedly part is.an interesting one well I learned this.at least in part from Nietzsche's you.know when you're a kid in principle you.could be anything which is kind of one.of the wonderful things about being a.kid and then one of the painful things.about growing up and being an adult is.that well you can't just stay be in.everything that's the story of Peter Pan.right Pan means everything and Peter Pan.is this magical child you know who can.do anything but he's just he's got a.strange Kingdom right he's king of the.Lost Boys which perhaps isn't the.kingdom that you want to rule over and.and so and he doesn't grow up and so he.falls in love with Wendy and Wendy grows.up and she has a family she gets old she.stops being a child but she has a family.she has a husband that she has a family.she has a life and Peter Pan just stays.in Neverland which is also a hint on the.part of the reader and he stays magical.and content's himself with Tinker Bell.who I always think of her as the porn.fairy and yeah he's got all the.advantages of femininity except she's.not real yeah.yeah and so you know Pete Peter Pan he.doesn't want to grow up partly because.his role model is Captain Hook and.Captain Hook well you think about he's a.pirate so he's kind of a tyrant and he's.also a coward and he's a coward because.he's well he's afraid at least because.he's being chased by a crocodile with a.clock in his stomach you think what the.hell does that mean he's being chased by.a Crockett what does that mean it's like.well and it's already got a piece of him.right it's bitten off his hand it like.the taste well it's time that's why the.clock is there you know it's time and.the crocodile is the terrible force that.lies underneath everything that waits to.pull you down like it's mortality itself.and the threat of mortality and the.reason that Captain Hook is a tyrant is.because he's afraid of death and and so.that makes him a tyrant and a cowardly.tyrant and Peter Pan looks at the.cowardly tyrant and he thinks well I.don't want to grow up to be that and.it's like well fair enough you know but.what are you gonna do not grow up well.then you stay king of the Lost Boys and.you have Tinker Bell and life goes on.and that's not a good outcome and so you.know you have to make a sacrifice when.you grow up you have to become something.and to become something means to not.become a whole bunch of other things.like it's a it's a sacrifice it's the.same sacrifice that you undertake when.you decide to get married you know it's.like well you forego everyone else to.have one person and and is it it's a.real sacrifice and it's a sacrifice that.preys on people's minds because they.think well you know maybe I could have.picked someone better it's like because.you always suffer from the delusion that.someone better would have agreed to have.you and while it's funny I just I just.read this this great article I treated.it a couple of nights ago I read this.great article about how people select.potential mates on dating sites and they.they people generally go for those who.are about 25% more attractive than they.are so which is you know ambitious and.and inherent and pointless.but that is what people do you know they.hope that maybe I don't know what they.hope they hope the person won't notice.it's like huh I just I'll just slip.myself in here and maybe you won't.notice it's like well so there's a.sacrifice you know and but the thing.about the sacrifice is that you end up.with something rather than nothing at.all and I've seen lots of people in my.clinical practice you know who didn't.grow up when they should have been and.who were 30 or which isn't too bad.although it's not that good but 40 you.know they're still drifting they still.haven't catalyzed an identity of any.sort and that gets that starts to get.ugly.you know 30 it starts to get ugly around.30 if you're 23 or 24 and you haven't.catalyzed an identity it's okay people.think well you're a mostly Peter Pan.you're full of potential man will gamble.on the potential you know and take a.chance at you but then if you're 30 and.you have the same non-existent resume.people think well you just failed it's.not potential it's just you're just not.there and if it's that that's the case.at 40 that's getting really rough like.it's not completely hopeless if you're.in that situation at 40 but man you got.a lot of catching up to do and so and so.how do you get out of that well partly.and this is one of the things you also.have to let young people nose pick.something you don't know what to do well.take your best damn shot at it don't.wait around man.make a plan aim at something move in.that direction adopt a disciplinary.routine of some sort because that was.that will that will form you now it.limits you to but it forms you and then.you know and the thing about adopting a.disciplinary structure which limits you.and which is a sacrifice is that it also.it also increases the probability that.you're going to do something useful over.the long run you know when I was.starting out as a researcher my area of.research was somewhat narrow I.looking at the heredity I was looking.out factors that influenced the in.heritability of alcoholism because.alcoholism is heritable to a large.degree and it's partly because the.manner in which you respond to a drug of.abuse is determined in part by.biological factors and that the variance.in those biological factors is.biologically determined to a fair degree.so I'll give you an example I had this.friend his name was Frank Ervin he was a.very cool guy he looked like Ernest.Hemingway and a big beard and he was a.cool character and he had this ranch in.st. Kitts it was a monkey ranch I know I.know.a monkey ranch and he was raising.alcoholic monkeys and because he was a.researcher and and he would take these.wild monkeys green monkeys and and bring.them in to an enclosure and then he.would give them rum and coke and five.percent of the monkeys would drink.takoma on first exposure and it had.videotapes of that which were really.hilarious they looked like they looked.like frat party fundamentally you know.and most of the monkeys would have a few.sips and you know and and just discuss.their monkey business in you know in a.civilized way in a corner and then go.home you know when when it was time to.call it a night but there was five.percent of them and they were like.hanging off the trees by their tail in.their arms by the end of the evening and.and passed out completely anyways one of.his discoveries was that in in a wild.population of primates who were.relatively naive to alcohol that if you.exposed a certain proportion of them.five percent of them had no control.whatsoever over their drinking they just.drink right to coma and that's about the.same with with people who start to.experiment with alcohol so anyways.that's one of the examples that you know.that there was it was there was a.biological influence anyways this area.of inquiry was somewhat narrower than I.had hoped for.you know I didn't really I hadn't really.planned on studying the psycho biology.of response to alcohol I was interested.in drug abuse and drug abuse motivation.I was interested in wider issues but.what was so cool was that the deeper I.got into that so the more I disciplined.myself with regards to that particular.domain of study the more I learned about.all sorts of other things it was like.going through a keyhole and then out the.other side and most disciplinary.processes are like that and so one of.the things you have to do is you take.the pluripotency ality of childhood and.you discipline that so that that might.be a meta rule like you couldn't say.well here's the Disciplinary structure.everyone should undertake that's too.specific a rule you know everybody.should go into the military it's like no.not necessarily who knows what your.disciplinary strategy should be but I.you can make a more abstract rule which.is something like I don't care what your.disciplinary strategy is but you need to.impose one on yourself and for some.reasonable amount of time because you.integrate yourself as a consequence of.doing that as well as making yourself.you know vaguely socially useful and.appropriate which is also a non-trivial.thing and then once you have yourself.disciplined then you can take that.discipline stuff and you can start.expanding it out were together and so.that's a really useful thing to know so.this is Nietzsche who is a great.criticism great critic of Christianity.was an admirer of Catholicism.interestingly enough because one of the.things he believed was that the attempt.over several thousands of years to force.every phenomenon into a framework that.could be explained by the axioms of.Catholic belief disciplined the European.mind it made it it made it capable of.producing rigorous and coherent theories.independent of whether the theory was.correct that wasn't the issue it was.like well once you learn how to write.you can write essay a but you could also.write essay B if you don't know how to.write you can't write either.and maybe you learn to write by writing.essay a but then you can write s a B and.C and the same issue applies here is.once you get yourself disciplined then.you can take the discipline itself and.you can go do a bunch of different.things with it and so maybe it doesn't.matter how you discipline yourself but.it really matters that you do and so.that's an important thing I think I.think it's an important thing for.everyone to know but I think it's really.an important thing for young people to.know it's like well I don't know what to.do with myself.well don't sit around and get old that's.a bad idea.and spin around doing nothing it's like.pick something make a mistake right pick.something that you're not sure about and.go and pursue it you get a quarter of.the way there halfway there your lot.smarter because you had to undertake a.fair bit of learning just to get that.far maybe at that point you find out.it's not for you and you decide to make.a left-hand turn you know you make a.90-degree turn somewhere else at least.you've fleshed yourself out in the.pursuit of the discipline and don't wait.around you know and I think that's well.so that's what that chapter is about and.so.yeah and then Rule three is analogous to.that work as hard as you can as you.possibly can on at least one thing and.see what happens but it is a corollary.to that it's like well one of the things.you want to discover when you're young.or one of the things you want to.discover at some point in your life it's.better to discover it when you're in.your 20s I think is well just how hard.can you work on something you know like.if you pick something I don't care what.it is again you think I'm gonna go flat.out on this and see what happens and.that's also useful too because there's.no other way of really discovering your.limits right and you kind of want to.know what your limits are I think one of.the things you need to do in your life.at some point is push yourself farther.than you can go you know so you kind of.push yourself past the point of.exhaustion think oh that's good there's.the point of exhaustion well you can't.stay there because if you stay at the.point of exhaustion for any length of.time well then you know you'll you'll.degenerate great because that that's.just too much but you can find that.point and then you can pull back and you.can think okay well I can't go farther.than that I kind of know where my limit.is now I can pull back and I can operate.within that limit but then at least you.know where your limit is and that that's.an unbelievably useful thing to do as.well the other thing too is it's like.well how are you ever going to discover.if you could possibly be successful at.whatever you want to be successful at.unless you push yourself in at least one.direction right to your bloody limit and.it's another thing you know it's another.thing we don't teach young people and.it's quite striking to me because it.seems kind of obvious it's like well who.are you you're 19 you're 20 who are you.well you don't bloody know how do you.know it's like six years ago you were 13.you don't know anything.so hello so what are you capable of what.you don't know well how are you gonna.find out well you're gonna push yourself.at something farther than you can go.well then you have some sense of where.your limits are and you know your limits.are gonna be they're not gonna be where.you think they are all probability well.some of them will be a little closer.than you want.to be but a lot of them you'll be able.to push yourself way farther than you.think.and so that's that's an unbelievably.useful thing to do and so that's you and.then maybe you know if you really wanted.to get ambitious about it you could push.yourself as far as you could go in five.or six different directions and just.find out like well where are your.contours you know what what it what.exactly are the limitations of this form.that you're inhabiting and you get some.sense of who you are and what you're.good for you know and that's a lot it's.part of the reason why I'm I'm not happy.with this continual injunction in our.society - well to have more self-esteem.or to be happy it's like well first of.all good luck with being happy and well.it's just not gonna work out when you're.not happy you know and things are gonna.come along that are gonna make you not.happy and then if the whole purpose of.being is to be happy and you're not.happy then as soon as you're suffering.you're done because you got nothing you.certainly don't have happiness and.that's all there was that was the whole.point and it's gone because you're.suffering you got nothing that's not a.use that's not useful but you know it.that's not say that I have anything.against happiness if it happens to come.along you know well you know you got to.be grateful if it does come along but.you can't rely on it that's for sure.that that's that's foolish but you know.you you could inform young people that.they have to figure out just exactly how.capable and resilient they are and that.the way they do that is by by testing.themselves against against severe.challenges you know voluntarily we know.that from from our firm clinical.practice from clinical sciences well how.do you make people resilient it's well.that's easy you identify a set of.challenges that they need to undertake.and you know you kind of match the.challenge to the person like you would.for a child that you care for and you.say well what are you you know see if.you can withstand this challenge gonna.take it on and the person goes and gives.it a shot and finds out well yeah I can.do it it's like great you're tougher.than you thought you were so here's.here's a slightly larger challenge where.do you go check out that and see if you.can do it - and.you know your ability expands as you.take on the challenges that's how you.make people resilient you know bloody.well put them in safe spaces and and.what shield them from microaggressions.you know I think you only you only do.that if you want to make people weak.enough so that you can make them weak.enough so that your ideological what.would you call it.the ideological formulation of.victimization and oppression can find a.ready target so you take University.students yeah you that's it you make.them as weak as possible and as.frightened and timid as they can be and.then they're hungry consumers of your.pathological ideology that's that's a.hell of a thing to do to young people.man.and it's.and it's so interesting because it's.interesting because it is exactly the.opposite of what you will do with people.if your clinician who's properly trained.and you want to help people become.stronger and you know there's like ten.different variants of clinical.psychologists behaviorism and.phenomenology and existentialism and.humanism and psychoanalysis there's lots.of different schools of psychotherapy.but all the well developed schools of.psychotherapy do share at least one.thing in common and that is that you.help people confront things they're.afraid of and that they're avoiding and.that that makes them stronger like.that's that's the fundamental essence of.successful psychotherapy and it's and.the reason for that is because that's.the fundamental essence of learning so.actually what you're trying to do if.you're it's not like psychotherapists.invented how to make people resilient.obviously not what they did was observe.what made people resilient and formalize.it and what makes people resilient is.for them to push themselves up against.challenges and become stronger as a.consequence of it and so it's so.interesting to see that this has been.inverted in in the Universities it's.actually being turned upside down and.equally interesting to see that the that.the clinical bodies like the American.Psychological Association curse be their.name and the American Psychiatric.Association haven't come out on mass and.said look you couldn't do anything more.malevolent to young people if you.planned it then to shield them from all.voluntary contact with things that.challenge their beliefs right it's the.worst thing you could do.so I can't believe I can't believe that.they organized it's hard for me to.believe that the organizations have been.that cowardly but but there it is they.are so that's that's life rule 4.do not hide unwanted things in the fog.yeah that's a good one you know how it.is when when something's up and you.don't want to think about it Christ.that's probably you know sometimes.that's your whole life so card.something's up I don't want to think.about it I don't want to think about it.well that that hole that's interesting.that you cannot want to think about.something because you this is this is.this is what tangled Freud up it Sigmund.Freud up in the idea of repression.because he kind of thought that you knew.what it was that you didn't think about.and then you decided that you weren't.going to think about it which is very.paradoxical because then you have to.know and not know at the same time and.then that isn't actually how it works.it's more complicated than that.you know let's say that you come home.from work and you're in a bad mood and.that happens right and you know your.wife or your husband or your child or.your dog does something that's.minor-league annoying and you get all.upset about it and while your dog.doesn't ask you it still likes you but.you're here your wife or your kid might.say well you know what's up with you.particularly your wife is likely to say.that or your husband what's up with you.you know like you're overreacting I'm.not overreacting it's like well you're.crabby about something I'm not crabby.about anything it's like yeah you are.well what are you crabby about well you.don't know well this is an interesting.thing you know that that something can.upset you and you actually don't know.what it is and then you know if you're.fortunate the person that you're with.will torture you a bunch and make you.figure out what you're crabby about and.won't be happy about that you know and.sometimes that'll actually result in.tears even when you realize what it is.that that's upsetting you and who the.hell wants to go through that nobody and.so you know you just avoid that but but.it's not a good idea what you want to do.is you want to take what you're upset.about this is partly what you do in.psychotherapy so people come to you it.as a therapist and they're upset and you.want to figure out what they're upset.about and so you say well what might you.be upset about you know and then they.guess and it's like I like to think.about it as laying car like maybe the.person's got a deck two decks of cards.in their hand and they're laying all the.cards out on the table you know that's a.metaphor you lay your cards out on the.table and so that's what you do with.someone you so a person comes to therapy.because things aren't going for them the.way that they would like them to go.because otherwise why would they be.there and but it isn't necessarily.obvious why and so what you have to do.is listen the bunch is like well what's.your problem what do you think your.problem is well I don't really know but.I'm not happy well what might your.problem be let's guess at it stupidly.wander around a bit you know it's like.doing a bad first draft it's the same.thing well maybe it's this I might be.upset about this or I might be upset.about this or I might be upset about.what happened to me when I was a kid or.you know or my mom said at work or you.know I'm not happy with my kids or I'm.not happy with my wife or I'm not happy.with myself or like you know there's all.sorts of reasons you might be upset and.what what you find if you do that with.people you let them wander through the.domain of being upset is that they come.out with 30 things they might be upset.about but almost right away they can.figure out that 15 of those things or 20.those things are irrelevant they can.take them off the table but they can't.take them off the table till they've.laid them on the table till they've.until they walk through it you know and.that's part of that the part of the.prade thats part of the process by which.emotion becomes articulated because your.emotions will signal to you that.something is wrong but they won't tell.you why because emotions aren't very.high resolution so you're crabby you.know because maybe your boss makes an.offhand comment made an offhand comment.two weeks ago and some part of you think.but maybe a promotion that you deserved.is now not in the works but didn't even.read notice that you know it got you it.was and it wasn't the response she.wanted from your boss and so god only.knows what it signifies and it it sets.your mood sideways and then it makes you.susceptible to outbursts at home it's.very difficult to dig down into that and.you know you might have to admit to.yourself that you really want the that.you really want the promotion and maybe.you have to admit that well you haven't.done everything you possibly could to.deserve it and maybe you'd have to dig.into the fact that your relationship.with your boss isn't everything it could.be and then you'd have to figure out.that you're not working as hard at work.as you might because you're resentful.it's like Jesus it's just a bloody.morass down there you know and you see.this with couples who are on the verge.of divorce I they can't talk because.everything they say is a minefield you.know and it's a minefield that so every.topic is associated with the same.discussion that's occurred repeatedly.for the last 20 years and never been.sorted out and so every single sentence.is a minefield and then you dig into.that you find that there's like behind.be underneath these contentious sentence.that's when you have people sitting.there you know in your office with their.arms crossed and every time one of them.says something the other one rolls their.eyes and by the way that's a good.predictor of divorce I'm dead serious if.you want a predictor of divorce it's.like you're your husband your wife talks.you roll your eyes it's like you guys.you're done that's that's contempt you.know and once the contempt settles in.it's very very difficult to reverse it.and the contempt doesn't settle in if.there hasn't been 10,000 hours of.non-communicative fights and that's.partly that wish that people can hide.things in the fog it's like I'm upset.and I bloody well don't know want to.know why and it's no wonder.and so the Freudian repression idea is.wrong it's because you don't know what.it is that's upsetting you and then.you've refused to face it it's more.subtle than that is that your emotions.and at you that something isn't the way.it should be and then you you can you.can remain unconscious merely by not.attending to that.think I don't want to I don't want to.think about that it's like yeah well no.wonder but what are you gonna do you're.gonna wait you're gonna collect all.these errors around you write an immense.number of unsolved errors you do that.long enough and your whole life is just.a morass of unsolved errors and then you.really won't want to think about it and.then you're really done and so well.what's the rule.don't hide unwanted things in the fog.well you know imagine that you're.wandering through the fog and there's.and there's there's pits that you could.fall into and that there's there's.knives that you could impale yourself on.there's sharp edges everywhere it's like.well that's terrible the world it's.terrible that the world is full of pits.and sharp edges and knives hidden in the.fog it's like well yeah but what if you.disperse the fog well then the pits are.still there and so are the sharp edges.in the knives but you don't have to fall.into them because you can just walk.around them you know and that that's.another reason why it's so useful to.face things it's like well if you if you.if you become articulate about what it.is that's disturbing you then you.sharpen up you sharpen up your.representations of the catastrophe let's.say and then you can then you can it.turns out that it's much more probable.that you can deal with it you know and.you can't be sure because sometimes.you're just screwed you know and well.that's why you end up dying right it's.like well I'm dead serious about this I.don't want to be you know I don't want.to be stupidly optimistic sometimes you.can be backed into a corner and there's.no escape that happens but most of the.time it's not the case most of the time.if you if you if you're willing to make.the situation clear right which is a.matter of facing it and then clarifying.it it's a courageous thing to do that's.to beard the dragon in its den you know.if you do that then you find that the.situation resolves into a set of.problems.that are smaller than you originally.assumed they would be and there's a much.higher probability that you can.decompose the problems and then start to.address them and it doesn't matter.because it's it's your best bet like.even if it doesn't work and it might not.it's like you don't have a better.strategy there is not a better strategy.there's not a better strategy than to.seek out the dragon and it's dead even.though there's some possibility that.you'll get burnt to a crisp and that you.won't get the gold it's much better than.waiting at home in your bed quivering.while the thing grows and comes in and.eats you.because then for sure you lose and.that's pretty much how life works so.that's what that's chapters about.I'm gonna read the rest of these because.I'm not going to get through all them.but I get at least let you know what.they are.rule 5 abandon ideology rule 6 this is.the one I've just been working on this.one just about killed me it's very very.difficult was writing was very difficult.to write this this is a cool one.notice that opportunity lurks where.responsibility has been abdicated I'm.going to return to that one because.that's such a strange thing to to learn.do not do things that you hate.that's a variant and I wrote a rule in.the first book which was tell the truth.or at least don't lie and I formulated.it that way because well you don't know.how to tell the truth because what the.hell do you knowing but you you can.maybe not lie because sometimes you know.you're gonna say something and you know.it's a lie and you could just not lie.and sometimes you just don't know and.well then you know you're ignorant and.that's irreducible in some sense but so.maybe you can't tell the truth because.you don't know the truth but you can not.lie and this is the behavioral.equivalent of this you know because you.shouldn't do things that you hate it's.the same as lying it's just it's the.acting out of a lie I think well I have.to do things that I hate it's like well.don't be so sure about that.or maybe you have an ethical law it.doesn't maybe maybe that's not a good.enough reason maybe you have an ethical.obligation to not do things you hate the.same way that you have an ethical.obligation not to lie and the excuse.while I had to do it's not it it might.even be it might even be valid in some.sense because you can find yourself in.situations where you're terribly.constrained the problem is it's not.helpful you know it lies will come back.to haunt you and the same thing happens.when you do things that you hate it's.the behavioral equivalent of a lie it.will absolutely come back to haunt you.and if you're in a situation where.you're required to do that for whatever.reason well that's terrible for you and.and maybe there's no way out of it or no.simple way out of it but you're gonna.you're gonna be punished for it.and not least by yourself not least by.the degeneration of your character which.is a terrible thing because you actually.need your character in order to survive.right your character is the strength.that you have to bring to bear in the.world and if you compromise that well.then you will absolutely pay for that so.try to make one room in your house as.beautiful as possible that's a fun one.because it's very beauty it is there's a.bit of a meditation on beauty you know.beauty is a mysterious thing it isn't.obvious what it is or why it's valuable.and it's kind of an intimidating thing.you know because well because we're all.flawed and so if we encounter something.beautiful then you know it's it's in.some sense to encounter something.beautiful is also to become aware of all.the ways that you're not that and so.it's - its - its to dare - to encounter.an ideal that shames you I would say and.it's partly why people are afraid of.beauty but beauty is also a window into.I don't know exactly it's a window into.something transcendent you know I think.most people experience this directly.when they listen to music as most people.like music and you know we might differ.in what music we consider beautiful but.virtually everyone has a genre that.speaks to them of something that's.beautiful and and there's something.intensely meaningful and sustaining.about that and you know so this rule is.about well attempting to do something.like that in your own life you know you.can take a little corner if it's not a.whole room because the first suggestion.I had I didn't write this as a rule but.it's become a relative popular meme is.to you know to clean up your room put.your room in order maybe before you try.to put the world in order that would be.a good thing.put your room in order but maybe after.you put your room and order you try to.make it beautiful because that's that's.the next step of elevation is could you.take something that's merely organized.and functional and elevate it to the.next level could you dare to interact.with with something that's beautiful.could you reach that high and you know.that transforms your life that's why art.transforms people's lives because a.great piece of art is like a portal.through which Beauty pours and it can.pour over everything it's a terrifying.thing I think an artist Freddie said.well that's why we put frames around.paintings is to keep the beauty stuck in.the painting because you don't want it.leaking out all over the house and.causing trouble you know it's bad enough.that it's right there in front of you.telling you how things could be but.aren't stating to you that there's much.more work to do that you're not doing.and that everything is far more worth.attending to than you have the time to.attend to the great painting does that.you know maybe maybe you think of an.impressionist who goes out and paints a.like a haystack I think that was Monet.who painted all the haystacks never.remember if it's Monet or MANET doesn't.matter he painted these no that might.have mattered to him but doesn't matter.to this story he painted all these.haystacks under different conditions of.light you know and and they're very.different in color you think well you.might think if you're not very.sophisticated why would someone paint.the same haystack over and over and the.answer that was if you think it's the.highest same haystack you're not paying.any attention because it's unbelievably.different you know and most of the time.we only have a chance to glance at.something but an artist to look at.something that you'd only glance at and.look at it and look at it and look at it.and work on it and represent it and and.then that reminds you when you look at.it reminds you that everything is worth.looking at deeply even though you don't.have the time to do it and it's a it's a.window into the the realm of reality.that's outside of your casual glance and.it connects you with that and so if you.dare to if you dare to engage with.beauty then it serves as a reminder that.you're connected to something that's.beyond your comprehension all the time.and that's a good thing to know it's in.some sense it's like in some sense it's.like letting God into your life you know.and that's why beauty is a window into.the divine and.I think that's literally true well maybe.you have a better explanation for beauty.it's not an easy thing to explain you.know it's not an easy thing to explain.the fact that it beckons and that it's.attractive then it's terrifying and.challenging all at the same time it's.like what is it what is it that's.lurking in there that has that effect.you know it's definitely something.that's beyond the mundane you know by.definition and it's something to setup.something in your house that's beyond.the mundane that beckons to you you know.it's a daring thing to do and people are.terrified of it and so they won't do it.and it's no wonder but but it's a great.thing to dare plan and work diligently.plan and work diligently to maintain the.romance in your relationship that's a.good one it's a funny one the way.because you the first part of that.sentence is a lot different than the.second part plan and work diligently ok.that's sort of one conception that's for.sure one conceptual realm to maintain.the romance in your relationship it's.like no those things don't go together.you know but they do they do as a.clinical psychologist you know I often.encouraged my clients to date their wife.or husband have a date we're not getting.along it's like well when was the last.time you you you did anything romantic.together was like a year ago it's like.really really and that might be one of.the reasons you're not getting along or.maybe it's a symptom of the fact that.you're not getting along well do you do.you go out with each other well we don't.have the time well fair enough you know.you know life you life gets in the way.you know if you're you both have a job.and you have little kids it's you know.maybe you have some other.responsibilities it's very easy for the.romantic part of your relationship to.fall to priority 11 on a list of 1 to 10.and you never get to it you know and so.then I would tell my clients well what.are you what are you go on a date you.know and there one sitting there and one.sitting there they won't have anything.to do with each other and the first.thing they think is I wish we would have.gone and seen the different therapy.and then the next thing they think is.okay we'll do it but we'll do it.grudgingly and we're not going to enjoy.it and that'll show you that you're.wrong and so then they come back and you.know maybe they went to a movie and I.said well how did it go they said well.we had a terrible time but a terrible.time we couldn't agree on the movie and.then we went to the movie and we just.fought afterwards and we went to a lousy.little restaurant and it was a wretched.we had a wretched time and we're never.doing that again.and then they look at me like they're.victorious you know and I think my thing.oh I see that's your theory you're never.gonna do that again that's your solution.to the lack of romance in your.relationship it's like well of course.you're not very good at it you're stuck.with this person so it's like maybe you.go on ten dates and like the first one.is a hundred percent wretched and the.next one is only 95 percent wretched and.so that's a really good trajectory.you know because by the time you get to.the 15th date maybe you can sort of.tolerate each other again and if you did.it 30 times well maybe you'd be halfway.as good at it and if you're going to be.married for 50 years you might as well.put the effort into it have 30 wretched.married dates so that you can get good.at it you know.you know and you don't think about it.because people are they're sort of naive.and arrogant at the same time well we.should be able to just go out and have a.romantic time it's like really you.should just be able to do this like what.makes you think that you're good at that.you know it's like if you're 16 and you.know and you're your hormones are raging.and you've absolutely no experience.whatsoever and you go out on a date like.maybe it'll be romantic but probably it.won't probably be just bloody wretched.and horrible but it might be romantic.and wonderful and then maybe you'll.remember that for the rest of your life.but I mean that's a very strange.concatenation of ignorance naivety and.and and overwhelming hormonal influence.it's like it's not you it's it's just.something that happened to you and the.romance in a relationship that's long.term is an art it has to be fostered and.it has to be invested in you know and.and people don't like to think that.because you think well sex should be.spontaneous it's like you know good luck.with that you know it's like maybe no.it's forget it it's not over the long.run you have to make time you know and.if when you're first trying to what.impress someone that you might want to.sleep with or have a relationship with.you're willing to put the time and.effort into it you know so why wouldn't.you do the same thing with the person.that you're gonna live with for the rest.of your life so why wouldn't you think.of that as something that's a necessary.investment and the rule of thumb that.I've discovered just two of them is you.want to have a successful long-term.relationship one is you go to talk to.each other for 90 minutes a week oh it's.really painful that whole conversation.it's like well what have you been up to.and what have I been up to and what am I.worried about and what am I thinking.about it's like I've got a narrative of.my life and you've got one and we have.to string them together that takes about.90 minutes a week of just some of that's.just practical communication - about.what has to happen in the household what.has to happen with the kids and what's.going on with the career and what why.the car needs to be fixed you know just.the mundane realities of the domestic.economy.that has to be discussed and you need 90.minutes of that or you fall behind and.you get separated and then you need the.same amount of time devoted to something.approximating intimacy in romance and.that that should be made into an art and.it requires effort and work it's not.spontaneous like maybe if you get really.good at it you know if you watch great.ballroom dancers or their actions look.spontaneous it's like yeah well they.practice 10,000 hours before they got to.be expert at it and why would you assume.that you are a lothario without putting.in the effort you know it's not an easy.thing to keep that spark alive and vital.across decades you have to be awake and.careful and you have to make it a.priority and so there is that planning.and diligent work and it's worthwhile.thinking it's like what do you want you.want you want a life without romance.it's like how much pleasure is there in.life you know there's a handful of.pleasures that's all and there they're.easily foregone and then they're gone.better to plan and work diligently to.maintain them I'll read you the other.rule 9 is if old memories still make you.cry write them down carefully and.completely that's a good one if.something's bothering you from the past.and you think about it still makes you.upset part of you stuck back there.there's there's part of your soul that's.stuck back there and you need it in the.present your lesser than you should be.and the fact that those memories still.contain the emotion is an indication.that that part of your experience has.not been sufficiently articulated and.that you have not been freed from the.past so that's a useful thing to know 18.months is about a good rule of thumb and.there's actually neurological reasons.for that so if something's plaguing you.though those will be often memories that.recur sometimes they're nightmares that.recur if it's plaguing you if it comes.back up this still bothers me well then.your your your you're stuck in the past.there's part of you there's part of it.there's no better way of putting it than.out there's part of your soul that's.stuck in the past and you need to rescue.it you need to bring it up to the.present because life is demanding enough.so that it takes all of you here and now.to deal with it properly and if you're.stuck in the past then you're weaker.than you then you have to be and you'll.pay for that but if you write them down.if you write the memories down if you.thoroughly assess them and analyze them.try to understand what went wrong and.how that might not be duplicated in the.future and you can I'll tell you a story.now maybe I'll start with this I'd like.to read the rest of these rules all.right.rule 11 be grateful in spite of your.suffering and rule 12 do not allow.yourself to become resentful deceitful.or arrogant I'll tell you a story about.being stuck in the past that's quite.interesting I know this man who was very.badly abused when he was a child really.in a horrific manner.and he told me at one point that he's.about 50 he said he hadn't looked in the.mirror for 35 years because he couldn't.stand looking at himself and so 35 years.and then he was having these dreams.about the abuse and in the dreams he was.still five years old and being abused.and so I told him you got to look in the.mirror because you don't know how old.you are you have to look he's hiding.things in the fog and it's no bloody.wonder I'll tell you if you went through.what he went through you would hide them.in the fog too but doesn't matter cuz it.happened it has to be dealt with and so.he looked in the mirror for an hour I.said you look in the mirror for an hour.and he said he did that it made him cry.he didn't know he was old it was a shock.to him you know but he said it was.really useful and and it made him sad.but it also made him happy at the same.time he experienced all sorts of.emotions you know and so and then I also.told him okay so you're having these.terrible dreams about being abused so.you have to look in the mirror because.you don't know how old you are there's a.part of you that doesn't know how old.you are and so in the dream you're still.five and you're still victim.you're still a five-year-old victim but.you're not five man you're fifty it's.like that needs to be updated that's not.happening to you anymore because you're.a different person but part of you.doesn't know it so you got to look at.yourself even though that's a horrifying.thing to do you know look at yourself I.said well when you have the dream you.it's terrible nightmare you wake up and.then what you do is you think about that.nightmare you relive it.that's another therapeutic technique if.you're trying to help someone get over a.post-traumatic stress disorder let's say.they were violently sexually assaulted.but it was a while back and they're.still having recurrent nightmares about.that it's still really really disturbing.them one of the things you have them do.is you have them imagine the assault in.his.detail as they can manage and the more.detail they can a man they can imagine.it in and the more upset they get well.they imagine it the faster they get.better and the longer the recovery lasts.that's something that's really worth.knowing so I suggested to him that when.he had a nightmare that in the day he.remember the nightmare voluntarily so.what does that mean it's like well you.know if something frightens you and you.avoid it then what happens is that when.you avoid it you're telling yourself.that that thing is so frightening that.you have to avoid it and so your brain.thinks well that's a bigger monster than.you are a warrior but then if you think.no I'm gonna turn around and face it.whatever it is then you send the reverse.message it's like well no matter how.terrible that is and it can be pretty.damn terrible it's not so terrible that.I can't look at it and so then you get.bigger and it gets smaller and I.explained that to him you know I said.you you concentrate those dreams are.terrible and no one do they disturb you.you concentrate on bringing them to mind.voluntarily and so what happened was he.started to age in his dreams took about.three months last time I talked to him.he was up to 35 that happened over about.a three months period and even though he.had been stuck that way for 45 years you.know to turn around and face that well.so that was an example of let me just.look here for a second of old memory.still make you cry this example of.facing things and and and banishing this.and banishing the ghosts from the.shadows you know so well I didn't really.expect to talk to you only about that.new book tonight but I guess that's what.happened so.what do I close with I'll close with.what I've observed I guess over the last.year what's been so cool about all of.this you know is that what have I been.trying to do I've been trying to bring.what I knew learned about about proper.clinical practice in the deepest sense.to as many people as I could possibly.manage you know that's that's part of.that's a reasonable goal for someone.who's a professor an educator and a.clinical psychologist right it seems.like an appropriate thing to do you know.on the ethos that underlies 12 rules for.life is I say II would say it's an.ethical it's it's a it's ethical in the.fundamental sense I think it's true that.it's better to tell the truth and it is.to lie it's better because it makes your.life better in every possible way and.and and even more importantly it makes.your life less horrible so even if it.doesn't bring heaven on earth to you it.might keep hell at bay and that is.really something and it's really.something to know that it's important to.adopt responsibility that's the one rule.I wanted to return to opportunity lurks.where responsibility has been abdicated.that's a very very cool thing to know is.that there's responsibility for setting.the world right that lays all around you.and you can tell that because things.bother you about the world right they.prey on you and they might even.undermine your faith in existence itself.because things aren't set right you know.but then that's a voice inside of you.that says well there is a right and.things could be set that way because why.would you be bothered otherwise it.wouldn't disturb you but it does disturb.you and it's because you've got an.ethical core and then when you're.disturbed by the fact that things aren't.set right that's actually a call to you.to set them right it's a call to.adventure.that's a call to opportunity you know.I've been talking to people all over the.world about that and and people respond.very positively to that because well I.guess it isn't something that we've been.very good at articulating you know the.world is a mess in all sorts of ways and.it disturbs us deeply and it's easy for.us to turn away from that and it's easy.to become cynical and bitter and then.worse but it's not the right approach.the right.approaches to think oh look I've noticed.that things aren't right and it's.bothering me you know enough to.undermine me it's like well what should.I do about that it's like well maybe I.should do something about it.maybe that's the fact that my conscience.is bothered my sense of propriety my.sense of functioning properly in the.world is disturbed by my observation.that things aren't right is an.indication that I have an ethical.responsibility to do something about.that why else would it bother me then.you think oh well you know well where's.the meaning in life to be found if.there's a meaning in life where is it to.be found well maybe that's where it's to.be found it's like it's to be found in.the responsibility that manifests itself.when you realize that things are out of.kilter out of order and that it bothers.you it's like what bothers you.that's what calls you forward into who.you could be that's what calls you.forward into participating in the.process of setting the world right and.there's meaning in that and and it's not.just psychological meaning you know it's.not just a psychological phenomenon.because it turns out that you know maybe.you're not happy with the way that your.family is constituted in the way.everyone is not getting along and you.decide you're going to do something.about that so it makes you feel better.because you're doing something about it.and great you feel better that's the.psychological meaning but it's also the.case that you are genuinely a problem.solver and it's possible that you could.help your family communicate better and.then that wouldn't just be a.psychological improvement that would be.an actual improvement and it does seem.to me that we're capable of actual.improvements as well as psychological.improvements and and if we took our our.distaste for the world seriously and.noticed that that was a call from our.conscience to action that we would start.to act forthrightly in the world and set.things right and then the question would.be well how right could they be set and.you know I said well opportunity lurks.where responsibility has been abdicated.well that's I learned opportunity that's.the wind that blows you into a port.that's what opportunity means that's the.derivation and responsibility is the.wind that blows you into a port there's.things that are crying out to be done.and you know it and it can make you.bitter it's like no it's like.you could do them you could start doing.them you could try to do them that would.be something god only knows what you.could accomplish if you did that.god only knows what you could transform.yourself into if you did that and then.that's that seems to me to be the.adventure of life it's like well who are.you exactly.well how are you gonna find it out well.take on the responsibility for making.things better and see how much far you.can go with that and you know I've.talked to thousands of people over the.last year and it's been so much fun.people after the talks or maybe I meet.them on the street and they say look.I've been trying this I've been trying.to tell the truth or at least not till.I've been trying to sort my family out.I've been trying to take on more.responsibility develop a bit of a vision.for my life a little bit of discipline.you know what it's really working I was.in a terribly dark and black place and I.started to set things straight carefully.and things are way better it's like well.you know maybe that's true that'd be so.cool if it was true you know maybe maybe.we have what is necessary within us to.cope with life no matter how terrible.life is and not only can we cope with it.but we can actually improve it and.improve it substantively and continually.and we can find meaning in that and we.can make things better and so well.that's what I'm hoping will happen and I.think that that's why so many people are.coming to listen to these talks is.because people have some sense that you.know that's a real possibility that they.can participate in that and that there.isn't anything better that they could.possibly be doing and so and then I'm.hoping that in this era of unparalleled.possibility that sort of stretches.itself out in front of us now that if.there's enough people who get their act.together you know as individuals who are.each at the center of the world if.enough of us get our act together then.maybe we can take that tremendous.possibility that's come along with our.technological what's our technological.potency and we can make things so much.better than they already that we can.hardly even imagine it and like what the.hell that's worth pursuing man that's.worth that's worth investing in like.well why not do that.and so I hope that you do that and I'm.very thankful that I've had the.opportunity to talk to you about it and.and and it was a pleasure to speak with.all of you so so good night.truly an and I wouldn't lie we've done a.hundred some-odd shows that honestly.might have been the best ending of any.of the shows that we've done it I mean.you guys feelin that right now like by.the way I want to give a quick shout out.I don't know if you saw there was a.young lady doing sign language right.here that quite possibly might have been.the most difficult hour and a half of.sign language in the history of the.world so you guys saw multi levels of.things right now so yeah give it up for.her all right so we're gonna do a Q&A.you guys sent in a ton of questions.before I do that though where's Julia.who I was emailing with today Julia yep.they're somewhere so Julia runs an IDW.San Diego group and she's inviting all.of you guys to the Gaslamp Tavern on.fifth after the show maybe I'll make a.guest appearance we'll see we'll see so.so check that out after the show and I.should tell you guys this is actually.Jordans computer and we've gotten close.I have the password he's on Twitter.right now I could end it all tonight.not tonight Jordan Pederson everybody.man you were ready to do the last US.show tonight huh yeah I got enough sleep.today I guess and ate enough steak he's.90 percent steak people you want to go.to the Gaslamp after the show with all.3000 of you that should be fun all right.we got some deep ones we're gonna go.deep in all right all right are there.any topics you choose to avoid not.really I mean one one of the I think one.of my peculiarities that's a very long.list by the way is that I'm willing to.have conversations that other people.won't have and some of that's really one.of the things I think I've learned.partly from what I've studied but also.partly because of all the work I've done.clinically is that terrible as it is to.have a hard conversation the alternative.is always worse because one of the.things that I became convinced of in in.my clinical practice and in my personal.life was that no one ever gets away with.anything ever people think they get away.with things but it's because they are.blind they blind themselves to the.consequences of their actions you know.and so people have come to see me in the.therapeutic setting and they'll have a.problem and then we'll untangle it you.know and maybe we have to go back 15 or.20 years to untangle it and there's.there's something back there that was an.an error.wasn't always necessarily an error that.they made it might have been an error.that someone else made a moral.there's always something at the bottom.of it and what's even more horrible is.that it's very frequently the case that.what's at the bottom of it was something.that the person knew was wrong when they.did it and then forgot and you have to.untangle it all and get right down to.the bottom and it's ugly.terrible terrible ugliness at the bottom.you know it's like surgery in some sense.and and you can fix that and those are.horrible conversations and you really.have to person you have to pursue the.problem right to the bitter end to.undone do it you have to do this in a.marriage which is very difficult thing.to do to make peace and but I know that.the consequence of not doing that is.worse and so even if the conversation is.terribly difficult it's easier than not.having it as hard as it is and I guess.it's partly because I'm pessimistic in.I'm pessimistic in that I don't believe.that there's an easy out either solve.the damn problem or it never goes away.there's this line in the Old Testament.that that the sins of the fathers will.be visited on the sons for seven.generations it's something like that.until you think god that's not very fair.what sort of you know who set that up.it's like but it's the the truth of the.matter is is that if you put a twist in.the fabric of reality with deceit you.know with with an immoral action that.twist doesn't never goes away until.someone straightens it out it stays.there and it causes trouble it generates.catastrophe and so then you have to go.in and sort it out that as deep you have.to go down as deep as you possibly can.and set it right and then maybe you you.get some peace that's a good thing to.pursue is peace if you can do it but.there's peace doesn't occur as a.consequence of avoiding you don't get.peace by pretending that you have peace.that doesn't work you get peace by.noticing that you don't have peace and.then doing something about.I think that's why it said in the New.Testament I think that's why Christ said.that he came to bring a sword.you know the sword is something that.divides you know it cuts it judges it.discriminates it differentiates and that.makes peace you cut away what isn't.appropriate and you and you dispense.with it and it's painful but it leaves.what's healthy behind and so no there.aren't topics that that I avoid that.doesn't mean that I would I'm I'm happy.to undertake them you know it's it's a.pain but it's not as bad as the.alternative period.I like this one what's your plan after.you win this revolution.no pressure well the wind idea is a.funny one you know because when in.implies that you that you're it implies.the defeat of some one and I gotta think.about that for a second there's only one.kind of victory I think it that's real.and that's that's whatever victory is.part what it's whatever the victory.there is in attempting to maintain your.integrity under trying conditions you.know one of the things that that I.decided a long time ago I did I kind of.noticed that there were two ways that.you could conduct yourself in the world.I wrote about this in 12 rows for life.in the chapter do what is meaningful and.not what is expedient I learned that you.know you can use your language to craft.the outcomes that you desire and so if.you're talking to someone you could.decide what you want from them and then.you can craft your language to get that.and then you can call that a victory you.know and I think that's often why I.think a lot of that pathologized your.last presidential election I think one.of the fundamental faults of Hillary.Clinton was that everything she did was.crafted for a particular outcome like.she wanted to be president well what do.you do if you want to be president you.say everything that you should say if.you want to be president but then you.can't what you say can't be trusted.because it isn't a representation of the.world it's a tool to obtain something.from the world it's manipulative and you.might say well it's necessary if you.want to be presidents like well.first of all I don't think it is.necessary second of all it's not obvious.that if you become president under those.circumstances that there's anything left.of you by the time you become president.right and I think people I'm not I'm not.trying to contrast her brutally with.Trump you know my sense with Trump was.that people preferred the unscripted and.impulsive lies of Donald Trump to the.scripted and carefully formulated lies.of Clinton but there's another way to.use your language and and that way and.that's to just say what you think is to.say what you believe to be the case as.carefully as you possibly can and then.to let the chips fall where they're.going to and I think that's the right.way to live I think that that's that's.the essence of faith fundamentally is to.believe that truth will prevail and it's.a strange thing to believe because when.you say things that you believe to be.true the immediate consequence of that.might not be good it can get you in lots.of trouble well everyone knows that that.look why do you lie because telling the.truth will get you in trouble obviously.so you think well I'm not gonna tell the.truth it's gonna get me in trouble it's.like well yeah but you think the lie.isn't gonna get you in trouble it's like.well it's not gonna get you in trouble.right now but what about tomorrow and.and the next month in the next year it's.like which of those two things are you.gonna trust in the long run well so I.think that like for whatever victory.would be in this the 'victory that I.would like to attain in this in my life.would be that I would be able to say.what I believe to be true and that I.could maintain that there's a great.adventure in that because you don't know.what's going to happen you know you.can't predict it exactly and it's like.it's possible that it'll be worse than.you think it will be but it's also.possible that it'll be much better and.it isn't necessarily all.which of those is more terrifying by the.way because it might be way different at.least than what you are expecting it's a.very radical thing to say what you think.and to tell the truth it's an.extraordinarily radical act and it lays.you open to watching how the world.constructs itself in relationship to the.truth or at least the truth in so far as.you can honor it you think there's no.there's another way of finding meaning.in life is there's no you know people.think they want to have a meaningful.life but meaning is a terrifying thing.it's sort of like beauty it can be.absolutely overwhelming if you allow.yourself to say what you think you try.to tell the truth you can't predict the.outcome then all sorts of things are.going to aggregate and change around you.and that would be a great adventure and.then that adventure that's where you'll.discover the meaning of your life.victory for me would to be would be to.be able to do that you know because I.don't think about I don't think about.this as a I suppose sometimes when I.descend so to speak into the realm of.the political then things get polarized.you know I mean I'm not happy with the.postmodern types and I don't like the.radical leftists they really disturbed.me with their collectivist viewpoint but.but that's partly because that violates.that principle of individual autonomy.and sovereignty that's associated with.individual truth I don't think about it.as political I think I don't think it's.political I don't think of it as.political I think of it as an assault on.this more fundamental way of being.you're an individual you have your.individual truth you need to manifest.that in the world you need to take.responsibility for that and anything.that threatens that I think is the.deepest of threats and so but victory as.far as I'm concerned would be that I'm.able to I'm able to say what I am able.to continue to say what I think and not.be dissuaded from that that would be.enough and so so far that seems to be.you know knock on wood despite all my.flaws that seems to be working out okay.so hopefully that will continue and.nothing too catastrophic will happen.well as long as you mentioned Trump and.Clinton that seems like a good segue.will you move to America and run for.president let's put aside the legal.issue for just a second yeah and the.possibility of my Muslim birth you know.I've thought about I've been tempted.let's say by the thought of a political.career continually throughout my life.you know but I've never pursued it and.it seems to me rather unlikely that I.will I've talked to my wife about it.recently again not in the American.context obviously because that's well.that's obviously there's you don't think.about things that aren't possible once.it's it's not useful and I also not sure.that that's a job that anyone can do you.know I mean it looks like an impossible.job to me I have a lot of sympathy for.the people who hold the office because.the responsibility of that office is.just and the complexity is just beyond.imagination you know that's why they get.people who take that job get old so fast.it's no wonder some of them start out.old too when when push comes to shove.I've always been more interested in this.psychological I'm more into it.interested in the individual I'm more.psychologically oriented I think the I.think my most effective strategy.personally and socially is to is to.operate at the level of the.fortification of the individual and it's.not political there's political.implications of that the political.implications are they are have been for.me is that whenever I see political.occurrences that limit the degree to.which the individual can be made more.effective than I feel.morally compelled to object to them.that's why I objected to the legislation.in Canada it's like no you don't get to.tell me what I'm going to say I don't.care what your damn reasons are that's.on me what I say you don't get to decide.that for me I think that you're invading.the territory of my soul at that point.and I don't care if your reasons are.hypothetical compassion first of all why.should I trust your bloody compassion.what makes you think you're a saint so.you know that's the that's the.suggestion you're so compassionate that.you get to move my mouth with your hand.it's like no that's that's that's on me.and so that's political action I guess.in some sense but it was I don't really.think it is fundamentally political.because I think that I undertook it.because I believe that the political.jumped its domain and started to.transgress against things that it should.have left alone and this whatever we're.doing here together.whatever is manifested itself let's say.in these books that I've written and the.impact that they've had and the YouTube.videos and all of that that seems more.it seems more effective than anything.else I can do you know I'm talking to.lots of political types and that seems.okay but I think that I think it would.be a step what would you call it would.be a regressive step on my part to do.that given the opportunities that I have.to enter the political realm it's not.right it's not and and I I don't think.I'm cut out for it either you know like.I don't like conflict.I know I know well.it's true though like you know it takes.me three days to recover from one of.those contentious interviews you know I.don't I don't enjoy it at all I said at.the beginning of this Q&A that like.there aren't conversations I won't have.but it doesn't mean that I don't find.them stressful either stressful and like.I much rather have I'd much rather do.this it's much way more pleasant to come.and talk to 3,000 of you than to talk to.one.GQ journalist for 90 minutes and so I.don't think I don't think I can tolerate.that that that political stress you know.that that that I don't think I'm cut out.for it so so what you're saying yeah.yeah no kidding he's gonna run for.president everybody we all heard it so I.don't know how this one didn't come up.in the hundred plus shows what's your.biggest regret in life I think that I've.dealt with most of my regrets I don't.think that I'm carrying a lot of.unresolved past along with me you know I.never really think of the past I have.thought about it a lot I've tried to you.know there's this there's this section.in the gulag archipelago where.Solzhenitsyn describes the.reconstruction of his spirit in the work.camps and he undergoes this process of.repentance he starts to understand that.he's he's had this terrible see that.this terrible sequence of catastrophes.has befallen him that could easily be.laid at the feet of Hitler and Stalin.if you need villains those are those are.high quality credible villains if you.need someone to blame man those are.right at the top of the list of credible.people to blame and you know he was on.the the the Russian front in World War.two and then thrown into the work camps.by Stalin had a very terrible time of it.but he came to understand that part of.the reason that things had turned out so.badly for him was that he had.compromised his own integrity in all.sorts of ways over the course of his.life and one of the things he did was to.go over his life he said with a.fine-tooth comb and to figure out and to.try to remember everything that he had.done in the past that violated his own.sense of moral virtue it's a really.interesting exercise you know think well.you shouldn't do the things you.shouldn't do things that are wrong it's.like okay wrong by whose standards or.you could say well you shouldn't do.things that other people think are wrong.well you could debate that but it's.deeper it's a deeper question is like.well maybe you shouldn't do the things.that you think are wrong and let's say.that you've done a whole bunch of things.in your life that we're wrong and let's.say that you've warped the fabric of.reality because you've done those things.that were wrong and that if you don't.repent for them and repair them than.that then those then those errors that.you've woven into the fabric of things.they stay they stay unrepaired and so.you have to repent and atone right to.use the classical language atone means.to to become one again you know and so.Solzhenitsyn said that he did that that.he thought well I can't go back exactly.and rectify the past but maybe I can.make amends in the present for all the.things that I left undone and I would.say that that I don't I wouldn't say.that I have done that successfully but I.could say that I have tried to do that.that I'm trying to do that and so I'm.atoning for what I.regret about the past by trying to.behave as carefully as I possibly can in.the present and that seems to be I can't.think of any better thing to do about it.than that.and and so in some sense whatever.regrets I have are being yeah I'm.atoning for them sufficiently so that.they're not plaguing me and I'm pleased.with when I look at the my life I'm.grateful for it.you know ups and the downs and I think.that well in its some sense too I think.that it I'm sort of I'm privileged to.atone for it that's an interesting thing.is that it's it it's really something.you have the opportunity to set what.you've done you have the opportunity to.set what you've done wrong right you.could do that and that is a privilege.and so it's a privilege to try to do.that I think I could put things right.it's like there isn't a better thing to.there isn't anything better to do than.that and you can put things right by.your own standards you know I mean.people feel guilty and that can become.pathological you know you you can feel.too much guilt you have to calibrate.your guilt you have to have a dialogue.with your conscience it's not infallible.but you do have a sense of right and.wrong and and and if you followed that.sense and you put things right then you.could find out how right things could be.and then you wouldn't have you would.dispense with the regret.under those conditions and you would put.things right as well and then that's.what you should do as far as I can tell.so.that ladies and gentlemen is how you end.a year-long 120-plus united states tour.I'm gonna get out of the way make some.noise for Jordan Peters and everybody.thank you guys for coming out tonight.[Music].[Applause].if you found this conversation.meaningful you might think about picking.up dad's books maps of meaning the.architecture of belief or is newer.bestseller twelve rules for life and.antidote to chaos.both of these works delve much deeper.into the topics covered in the Jordan V.Peterson podcast see Jordan B Peterson.calm for audio ebook and text links or.pick up the books at your favorite.bookseller remember to check out Jordan.B Peterson comm / personality for.information on his new eCourse and if.you want some support or a group to.offer accountability on figuring out.your health check out lion diet Club com.I really hope you enjoyed this podcast.if you did please leave a rating an.apple podcast a comment to review or.share this episode with a friend thanks.for tuning in Merry Christmas Happy.Holidays.and talk to you in a couple of weeks.follow me on my youtube channel.Jordan B Peterson on Twitter at Jordan V.Peterson on Facebook at dr. Jordan V.Peterson and at Instagram at Jordan dot.B dot Peterson details on this show.access to my blog information about my.tour dates and other events and my list.of recommended books can be found on my.website Jordan B Peterson calm my online.writing programs designed to help people.straighten out their pasts understand.themselves in the present and develop a.sophisticated vision and strategy for.the future can be found at self.authoring com that's self authoring com.from the Westwood one podcast network.[Music].you.

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I was playing with my PC as usual. My wife is on other room doing some tasks. It was at night, the night sky is dark with clouds. When I was busy playing, the power suddenly went off. I screamed because of course it could potentially damage my motherboard. I instantly regret my decision not buying a UPS the other day. It was possible that only the power in my house went off. So, I went outside. I saw my whole neighborhood is dark. So apparently maybe the power grid is down. So I went to my room, my wife is there. She stopped doing her tasks. We just lie there in bed doing nothing. Then we have a Continue Reading

How do I legally purchase a shotgun in Texas?

You go in pick out the one you want, fill out a 4473 (background check), if you pass the check you then pay for it and take it home. From what I know about Texas gun laws there is not a waiting period like in other states like the communist states (Illinois, California, new York, and Maryland)

What is the best way to get employees to fill out their time sheets consistently?

There is no best way. There is only one way, I’m afraid: Chase after them week after week after week to fill out their time sheets. If you need time sheets filled out every damn day, then God help you. Welcome to the real world.

How do I respond to a request for a restraining order? Do I need to fill out a form?

It’s a very, very serious thing a restraining order. You don’t need the right form - you NEED A LAWYER!! Get a lawyer straight away - one that knows about restraining orders…

What are the disadvantages of strict parenting?

Strict parenting essentially is a parent controlling a child and hindering their ability to make their own decisions or deal with the consequences of their own behavior. Helicopter parents prevent their child from developing their own personalities, makes kids accomplished liars, and instills distrust and animosity into a parent/child relationship. I don’t care what crazy color my daughter wants to dye her hair, I’m happy that she is confident enough to hold her head high and trusts me enough to let me know that she is gay. I want her to be raised knowing that life is hard and mistakes are made Continue Reading

What does it mean to place order?

Sheltering in place means staying in your home or place of current residence. It is often used in high rise fire rescue operations. The practice became controversial following the Grenfell fire in London England when 72 people perished many after being instructed by fire officials to shelter in place.

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With Formplus, you can automatically fill fields in a form with data from a spreadsheet or responses from another form. To do this, you will need two forms, a lookup form (the form where you need the data to be displayed) and a source form (the form from which data will be referenced). Here are the steps to do this: Sign up or sign in to the Formplus form building web app Create the source form, you can also use an existing form as a source form. If you will be using/importing data from a spreadsheet ensure that the source form has at least the same number of fields as the number of column data you would like to import. Go ahead to import responses from the spreadsheet into the source form. Create a lookup form (or edit an existing form) and ensure to add a lookup field. The lookup form should also include fields you will like to be filled from the other form. For example, if you would like to look up a customer's address from the source form, the lookup form should contain a field for address. Configure your lookup field to reference data from the source form by clicking on the Edit icon of the lookup field and you're all set. For more information, check out this article .

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